


there are ghosts in the sky; a sub rosa au

by slytherinbarnes



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: 100 rewrite, Canon Rewrite, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, The 100 (TV) Season 6, The 100 rewrite, sub rosa au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:01:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29383842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinbarnes/pseuds/slytherinbarnes
Summary: THIS IS A SUB ROSA SEASON 6 AU! basically, I originally wanted reader to be bodysnatched in season 6. unfortunately, I did not chip reader in s3, and by the time I realized the chip was necessary for this plotline, it was too late. I was well into writing season 5 at that point. so, I offer you a solution: an AU season! you can read this and pretend this is what actually happened, if you want, as the storylines will line up again in the end. or you can just accept this as a three part companion piece. either way, I highly recommend you catch up on sub rosa before reading this, though I’m sure you can enjoy this mini au without it.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. i. what if they leave me shattered in the stars?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sub Rosa](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063775) by [slytherinbarnes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinbarnes/pseuds/slytherinbarnes). 



> there are only three parts to this, and they'll go up on the next few fridays!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: character death, violence, mentions of blood, injuries, fighting, anxiety, language, drugging, puking, angst.
> 
> Summary: Sanctum is beautiful, but the moon’s beautiful facade is hiding a dark secret. a dark secret that you find out about in the worst way possible.

You already hate everything about this moon.

Officially, you’ve only been on it a little more than 24 hours. And in that time, you’ve been attacked by bugs, watched Shaw die, and have watched all of your friends slowly lose their minds to sun induced psychosis. Unfortunately, you are now among them.

You stand staring at Murphy, who’s muttering something about getting in position, but all you can hear is your father and Shumway yelling at you from the TV behind you. Their voices are deafeningly loud, taking over every thought in your head and pushing it away, until the only thing you can hear or think about or see is the knife in your hand, their voices urging you to use it.

But Murphy shakes you hard, sensing the return of your turmoil, and you slide the knife back into its holster, giving him a resolute nod. “I’m ready.”

He eyes you with skepticism, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Murphy, I’m sure.”

“Okay, because two seconds ago you were staring at your knife like it was-”

You cut him off with a glare, “ _I said_ , I’m sure. Now go get into position.”

He gives you one last skeptical look before slipping out the door, and you watch him go, taking a deep breath and starting to sing in an attempt to keep the voices at bay. You wait anxiously for Murphy to get in his place, but after a few minutes you can’t stand the wait anymore, so you slip out of the room in search of your boyfriend. You can hear him yelling from somewhere near the pond, so you walk that way, wringing your hands, hoping that all of this goes according to plan. 

Bellamy seems surprised to see you walk from between the buildings and out into the open, your voice soft and comforting as you call out to him, “Hey Bell.”

He turns to look at you, glaring, his eyes falling to your hands, which now twitch nervously near your knife. “Are you scared of me? That’s funny, because I should be scared of you, _Wanlida_.”

He says the nickname mockingly, further reminding you of why you hate it. You smile at him, trying to stay calm, slowly grabbing the knife and tossing it away from you in an act of good faith. “I just want to talk, Bellamy. The eclipse is getting to your head, and you’re not acting like yourself. This isn’t you.”

“How would you know what’s me? I spent six years without you. You don’t know who I am!”

“You’re wrong, Bellamy. I know exactly who you are. I always have. You’re the guy who’s willing to do anything for his sister. You’re a leader to our people, who has made so many sacrifices to save us. You’re the love of my life, who has been there for me at every turn.”

“The love of your life?” He laughs, and you can tell he’s trying to bait you. “Is that why I fell in love with someone else?”

And though you know he only says the words to get a rise out of you, to bring out your rage and make you stoop to his level, you can’t ignore it. You let out a scream of anger and dive at Bellamy, intending to knock him off his feet and distract him while Murphy gasses him. “Murphy, do it! Do it now!”

Except the gas never comes. 

Instead, Bellamy rolls away from you, jumping to his feet, and you scramble to yours quickly as he stalks towards you. You lift your fists in defense of yourself, not wanting to fight Bellamy. You’ve seen him spar people and defeat them easily, you’ve seen him actually fight people and defeat them easily. He has a height advantage and size advantage on you, not to mention the fact that you’re already heavily injured from your near death experience in Shallow Valley. But eclipse Bellamy cares about none of that. Instead he lunges at you, grabbing you by the shoulders, holding you in place as he punches you so hard in the stomach that you double over with a gasp of pain. He tosses you to the ground and kicks you in the side, his boot connecting with your ribs, and you hold back a cry of pain, sure that there’s going to be a bruise there by morning. He grabs you by your jacket and pulls you to your feet again, swinging a punch at you so hard that pain immediately explodes across your eye and cheekbone. You’re sure that your healing black eye is now going to be much worse, and you hit the ground hard, landing on your back, trying to find the will to keep fighting Bellamy. 

Luckily, you don’t have to, because Murphy has finally arrived. Unfortunately for him, Bellamy sees him coming and knocks the gas can out of his hand before he can use it, punching him in rapid succession, one after the next. Murphy is still trying to recover from the hits when Bellamy grabs his knife wound and digs in, before delivering subsequent hits to the injured man’s bullet wounds, the same wounds Murphy received while trying to save him. Murphy cries out in pain, and Bellamy seizes his moment of weakness to toss him into the pond, splashing in after him to grab him and hold him beneath the water. You pull yourself to your feet, the sight of Murphy’s impending danger lighting a fire within you, and you rush towards the pair as Bellamy grinds out, “I will keep us safe!”

You grab Bellamy when you’re close enough, trying hard to pull him off of Murphy and save him, but Bellamy turns and hits you again, knocking you back into the water with a splash. You fall into the pond, your head sinking beneath it, and you close your eyes as you sink, wondering if you should just let yourself drown. But your survival instinct kicks in, and you get a rush of adrenaline strong enough to pull you out of the water and over to Bellamy. You shove him off of Murphy, towards the pond’s edge, and you swing a punch at him so fast he never sees it coming. It’s powerful enough to knock him backwards onto the ground, and you run back to the pond and grab Murphy, dragging him out of the water as he lies in it, still and unmoving. 

You see Bellamy moving from the corner of your eye, but you don’t pay attention, too worried about Murphy’s still form. You drop him onto the ground, falling to his side and immediately starting chest compressions, hoping and praying that he coughs up the water in his lungs. You can see Bellamy stalking towards you, but he freezes in place when your twin’s voice screams out for the first time in hours, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

Bellamy turns on her with a sinister smile, and you see the two of them spar as you continue to help Murphy, sending prayers to the Universe to save his life. You almost cry in relief when they answer them, Murphy turning his head to violently cough up the water that nearly killed him. Your relief is short lived though, ending when you hear a body thud to the ground nearby. You look up in horror and realize that it’s your twin, and Bellamy stands over her, smiling at you. “Clarke!”

The scream that rips though you is absolutely heartbreaking, and you move over to her as fast as you can, dropping at her side and pressing your fingers to her neck, searching for a pulse. This time, you do cry in relief when you find one, your twin only temporarily knocked out, not dead. But you don’t get long to process this, because Bellamy grabs you and yanks you backwards until you’re flat on your back, and then he straddles you, his hands lifting up to your throat. Your eyes instantly widen in alarm, your hatred of choking to death already so powerful, but especially at the hands of the man you love. Murphy tries to help you, but Bellamy easily knocks him away, still too weak from his near death experience. He weakly yells, “Stop it, man, you’re killing her! You’re gonna kill the girl you love!”

But Bellamy doesn’t stop. If anything, his grip gets tighter, the stars of unconsciousness exploding around the edges of your vision. You reach down for your Grounder knife, panic surging through you when you remember you discarded it earlier in an effort to keep the peace. _Lot of good that’s doing you now._ Your feet start to kick as you struggle for air, sending pain through the stitches in your calf, lighting up a memory in your brain. _The skull knife._ You reach down to your uninjured calf, grabbing the knife from its holster and immediately plunging it into Bellamy’s thigh. He lets out a gut wrenching yell of pain, and you take in a dizzyingly large rush of air, filling your lungs up with oxygen again. 

You hear Murphy weakly call your name, and you turn to look at him, a gas canister held tight in his hand. You push Bellamy off of you and crawl towards Murphy, grabbing the can from his hand just as Bellamy grabs your ankle and pulls you towards him. He flips you over, straddling you again, and before you can even register the knife that is now clutched in his hand, he plunges it into your side. A scream of pain rips itself from your throat, but it gets cut off by Bellamy’s hands, which have lifted to your throat and are now squeezing the air out of your body again. Without wasting another second, you grab the pin on the gas can and pull, releasing the gas in a cloud that overtakes the three of you instantly. You get light headed as soon as you breathe it in, your head lulling to the side, and you feel Bellamy drop to the ground beside you as the gas reaches him, all of you unconscious within seconds. 

-

You wake to chaos. 

Your mother, somehow, is now on this god forsaken moon with you, along with Raven, Jordan, Octavia, Jackson, and a prisoner. 

But you care about none of that. Instead, you’re worried about Bellamy, the man you love, the man you had to _stab_ , and you sit up and shift over to him. You place your hand on his cheek and whisper his name softly, and he blinks awake slowly, his eyes opening to find you. You can hear the soft chatter of conversation behind you, but you ignore it and focus only on Bellamy, helping him to sit up and face you. He clutches his leg in pain, and he looks down at it, eyes landing on the knife wound, before turning to you with horror. Tears instantly spring to your eyes and you whisper, “I’m sorry, I had to.”

His hand lifts to your face, tilting your head to get a look at your darkening eye, before he tips your chin to get a look at the bruises that are already starting to form around your neck. You ignore the pain that’s radiating from your side, and you hope he’s forgotten the stab wound he gave you in return, but he hasn’t. He carefully lifts the edge of your shirt to peer at the wound, and you see the horror in his face deepen. You realize now that he isn’t horrified that you stabbed him, he’s horrified that you had to. He reaches out for you, pulling you into a hug, tucking his face into the crook of your neck to hide the tears falling down his face. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, whispering, “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head, tears starting to spill down your face as you smile at him. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, my love.”

He seems prepared to disagree, but the words never come, because at this moment, the people of this moon have started to arrive back at their home. A home which now has a group of invaders from Earth, all possessing different levels of injuries and consciousness. The worst among you is Murphy, who chooses this moment to begin seizing. You shift away from Bellamy and scramble over to Murphy’s side, watching in horror as he takes one loud breath and then stops. Your mother frantically rips his shirt open to begin CPR, revealing a dark color that is spider webbing through Murphy’s veins, marking the space on his chest. As your mom frantically tries to save Murphy’s life, all of you watch on in horror, sending up your prayers to the Universe, wondering how many prayers it’ll answer for you before they stop listening.

The Universe has decided that it isn’t tired of you yet, and it answers by sending a man to you, impeccably dressed, clearly the leader of these people. However, this man takes one look at all of you and turns to the guards that hover nearby, waiting for orders. “Move them back.”

The guards point their spears towards all of you, pushing you back and away, leaving Murphy on the ground alone. Your mom looks at the leader with anger. “What are you doing? He’ll die!”

“You want my help or not?” At the mention of assistance, you all become compliant, moving away and giving the man the space he asked for. Bellamy walks over to you, coming to a stop beside you as the man drops to Murphy’s side and lifts up his shirt. “He’s already dead. Fortunately for him, death is not the end.”

He calls out, “Cillian!”

A man, Cillian, materializes from the crowd, coming to stop beside his leader, who whispers, “He was exposed to the seaweed during the red sun. Do it.”

Your brows come together, wondering what that means, and you exchange a look with both Clarke and Bellamy, both of them just as curious. The man kneels down beside Murphy and reaches into his bag, pulling out a snake. You all look at it in shock as the leader informs you, “We call it Kepa-She, it means hideous snake in Chinese.”

Cillian holds the snake to Murphy’s side, encouraging it to bite him, as you all watch on in horror. Clarke mutters, “Oh, my God.”

The man looks up at her, expression understanding. “Trust me, I know, but the venom degrades too quickly to deliver it in any other form.”

Miraculously, the darkness that has traveled through Murphy’s veins and spread across his body starts to retreat, moving back towards the source of the venom. You blink hard a few times, unsure if your eyes are working right, and when you look at Murphy again, you see now that he’s healed, his skin clear of the darkness. You feel a rush of relief and you mutter, “It’s working.”

And that’s the last thing you remember before passing out.

-

This time, pain wakes you up.

Your eyes fly open and you sit up, your side on fire, and you flail your arms at whoever is gathered around you, forcing them to jump away from you. There’s a layer of sweat across your skin, your breathing slightly labored, and your wide eyes frantically look around, falling on Bellamy, then Clarke, and then the man from before, Cillian. They’re all holding their arms up in surrender, and Bellamy’s voice is soft and comforting when he whispers, “Natshana, it’s just us. Cillian was trying to stitch up your stab wound.”

You see guilt pass over his features before you drop your gaze down to your side, the wound half stitched, a needle still stuck in your skin. Clarke’s voice is anxious when she calls your name and adds, “You’ve lost a lot of blood. _Please_ let him finish.”

You look up into your twin’s anxious face before turning to look at Cillian, who gives you a small smile, trying to reassure you. Finally you nod, the movement small, before laying back down on the makeshift operating table they’ve created for you. Cillian comes over to you slowly, waiting for you to jump away again, and when you don’t he resumes his stitching. Clarke and Bellamy come to either side of you, both of them taking your hands, allowing you to squeeze them every time you get a flash of pain. 

You try to keep yourself distracted by looking at the room around you, all of you locked up in some sort of tavern. Your body is stretched out between two tables that have been pushed together, and when you glance to your left, you see that Murphy is in a similar position, eyes still closed, Emori now gazing down at him with worry. Your gaze is pulled from the couple as Cillian takes a deep breath, and you look at him, thinking he’s about to say something. As he finishes up the knot of your last stitch, he muses, “I checked your friend Murphy’s wounds. His blood is red.”

It’s not a question, but you can tell he’s fishing for information. Something within you tells you to offer him as little as possible, unsure if you can trust these people at all. Which is why you nod and answer, “Most people’s blood tends to be red.”

He gives you a strange look, and you give him one in return, the two of you staring at each other in silence until Clarke clears her throat. “Is she okay?”

He nods, his eyes still locked on you. “She’s good to go.”

And then he shifts his gaze to her, forcing a smile to his face. “She should just take it easy for a few days.”

Clarke nods, accepting his instructions before nodding to the exit. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

-

You, of course, do not take it easy for a few days. 

Despite the disagreements of your mother, your twin, and your boyfriend, you accompany Bellamy and the others on the rescue mission for Madi. Your wounds do not hold you back as much as you expected them to, your body clearly adjusted to surviving, even while injured. _Maybe you can thank Mount Weather for that._

Still, all seems well when you return, because Madi is safe and so are the others. Diyoza gets kicked out of Sanctum, but the rest of you are told you can stay, and that Russell and his people will show all of you how to survive on this chaotic moon. 

Your celebrations are short lived though, because that night, when everyone else is asleep, Clarke comes to your shared room with Bellamy. “Can I come in?”

You turn to look at Bellamy, who nods, just as eager to hear about what all of you missed while you were gone earlier. So you step back and usher her into the room, closing the door softly behind her as she steps inside. The three of you pile into the bed facing each other, and your gaze drops down to your twin’s bandaged hand. “What happened? Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”

“As soon as you guys left, Russell invited me to dinner with him and Simone so we could discuss whether we’d be allowed to stay. Unfortunately for us, Jordan spent most of his time talking to Delilah, telling her everything about us, the good and the bad. It got back to Russell and Simone, and they decided that we couldn’t stay because we’re violent people and violence spreads like a disease.”

“That explains your shock at Russell letting us stay. So what changed his mind? We heard him mention you saving Delilah, but how did you save her?”

“As soon as I got back from the dinner and changed, I went looking for Jordan because I was pissed that he ruined everything for us. But when I went to the roof to find him, he was passed out on a cot with a paralytic dart in his neck. He managed to point out a guy running away from the tavern with a covered wheelbarrow, which we later found out had Delilah inside. I chased after him, along with the guard, but we split up so he could go inform Russell. I eventually found the guy and fought him off, but he cut my hand in the process and he freaked out as soon as he saw my Nightblood.”

“Weird.”

She shakes her head, giving you a serious look. “It gets weirder. Russell and Cillian both saw my blood too and they acted really strange about it. Russell eventually cut his finger to show me that he too is a Nightblood. He said our blood is royal. Delilah’s too, which is why they took her. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t like how everyone reacted when they found out about our blood, which is why we need to make sure that they don’t find out about Madi. Cillian already knows about you because he stitched you up, and I’m sure he’s already told Russell.”

You nod, thinking of Cillian’s weirdness with you earlier. “Suddenly Cillian’s reaction to seeing my blood makes a lot more sense.”

Clarke mutters, “It feels like I have a target on my back.”

You reach out and take her hand, preparing to comfort her, but she shakes her head a little, sending the thoughts away, before she turns her gaze to Bellamy. “What happened to Octavia?”

He sighs, his shoulders sagging as she reminds him of what he’s done to protect all of you and your fragile alliance with Sanctum. “I left her behind. As long as she’s in Sanctum, she’s a threat to the peace we’re trying to achieve.”

You see Clarke open her mouth, looking like she wants to ask more, but you can tell from Bellamy’s body language that he doesn’t want to say anything beyond that. So you squeeze Clarke’s hand, giving her a subtle shake of your head. “We’re exhausted and in desperate need of a good night’s sleep. Can we talk more in the morning?”

She nods, smiling a little, already sliding off the bed. “Of course.”

You follow her to the door, both of you hugging before she slips out into the hall with a quiet whisper of, “Good night, lovebirds.”

Leaving you and Bellamy to sleep in peace.

-

It’s beginning to seem to you that things in Sanctum are always chaotic.

You wake to find that today is Naming Day, though you never really understand what that means. Still, you take part in the city’s festivities, including first confession, and the tying of the ribbon on the lantern. Delilah finds you there and drags you and Clarke away, eager to dress you both for the party being held later in the evening. She dresses you both beautifully, Clarke in dark blue and you in silver, and you and your twin walk to the palace hand in hand, prepared to dance the night away. 

Cillian whisks her away as soon as he sees her, and Bellamy grabs you up right after. You spend hours dancing, catching a glimpse of a loved up Clarke and Cillian leaving sometime during the party, and you and Bellamy don’t last much longer before you end up ditching the party in favor of some alone time. Bellamy shows you just how much he loves you, reminding you of what you were missing while he was in space, leaving both of you in a hazy high.

Bellamy is the first to fall asleep, but you are too enamored by the lantern ceremony outside, which is why you are now standing at the window, watching as hundreds of lanterns lift in the sky, rising until they are burned to ash by the radiation shield over Sanctum. You think of your ribbon, tied on the lantern above Clarke’s, Wanlida scrawled out on it. You pick a lantern, one that likely isn’t even yours, and watch it lift from someone’s hands while you imagine that it’s your own. You feel lighter as it gets higher, taking the sins of Wanlida with it, until it finally hits the radiation shield over Sanctum, setting the lantern on fire and cleansing the sins of your past. It reminds you of a memory, long before Wanlida was a part of you, after Finn was killed for his sins in Tondc. You remember Lexa holding a torch over the bodies of Tondc, Finn among them, and Lincoln translating for all of you as she addressed the people gathered there in Trigedasleng. _“Raun faya, oso woda klin laudnes-de kom foutaim.”_

You feel arms wrap around your waist from behind, making you jump in surprise, despite knowing that it’s Bellamy. He drops his chin to your shoulder, translating your words. “In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past.”

You turn to look at him, seeing only parts of his face because he’s so close to you still. “Do you remember?”

He whispers back, “I remember.”

You turn back to the window, both of you watching the last of the lanterns rise and hit the shield, disappearing forever. Once the sky is clear, Bellamy releases you, reaching for your hand. “Come back to bed.”

You turn to look at him, the smile on his face, and you relent. “Only if you’ll tell me about the gods.”

“I’d love to.”

Both of you crawl back into bed, slipping beneath the covers, turning until you’re facing each other. Bellamy smiles at you with complete adoration before he begins, “Not long ago, the gods created the moon. She lights up even the darkest of nights, guiding travelers along their way. Not long ago, the gods created you.”

He brushes his fingers across your cheekbone, his touch feather light, and you smile at him as he continues, “To other people, you are the moon. But to me, you’re everything. The moon, the sun, the stars. You’re the air I breathe and the love in my heart. You are every leaf, every tree, every moon, planet, and galaxy in this endless Universe. You are everything to me, and you have completely captured my heart from the moment that I met you, though I tried to deny it at first.”

The two of you laugh softly as you remember the animosity that you shared in the beginning. Bellamy starts to sit up, pulling you up with him, both of you turning to face each other as you do. “I have never been loved by someone the way you love me, and I know I’m incredibly lucky that I get to have this. That I get to have you. You have loved me at my best, and you have loved me at my very worst, and even when I am lost and struggling, still you’re there, loving me through it all. You have the biggest heart, one that is so full of love that you are so eager to give, and I love you for that. I love your strength, your vulnerability, your kindness, your beauty. I love everything about you, and I just want to give you the world. I want to protect you, and love you, and make you happy until I draw my last breath. And I’ve been waiting to tell you all of this, waiting for the perfect moment during our new life of peace, but I’m starting to worry that I won’t get that chance.”

He reaches up to push your hair away from your face and you close your eyes and lean into his touch, smiling. When you open your eyes again, his hand is extended between the two of you, a small ring held out in his palm. It’s beautiful; a small round sapphire surrounded by a perimeter of tiny diamonds, all situated on a thin gold band. You look up at Bellamy in shock, his expression one of complete adoration as he whispers, “Will you marry me?”

You look between him and the ring, wondering if he’s joking, but when you meet his eyes again, you can see that he’s completely serious, and still anxiously awaiting your answer. Your face splits into a grin and you practically lunge towards him, pulling him into a hug before peppering kisses all over his face. He laughs, one of those bright pretty ones that you wish you could capture in a bottle and keep forever, and his voice is light with happiness when he says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

You kiss him softly on the lips, pulling away just enough to whisper, against them, “Yes.”

His smile gets even wider, and he pulls you in for another hug, before leaning back and holding up the ring again. He takes your hand and slides it onto your left ring finger, both of you marveling at the perfect fit. You admire the ring, and the way it looks on your finger as he whispers, “It was my mother’s.”

You look up at him, your eyes growing wide. “Oh, Bellamy.”

But he smiles, sadness unable to reach him in this moment. “She gave it to me before she was floated, told me to give it to the girl that captures my heart. I didn’t have it when I hopped on the dropship, but when I went back to the ring with the others, I went looking for it. I’ve had it with me everyday since I left you on Earth, carrying it with me to remind myself of the girl that captured my heart.”

Tears of happiness spill over your cheeks and onto the sheets beneath you as you reach out for Bellamy, pulling him towards you and kissing him, pouring all of the love you have for him into it. The two of you fall back into the bed together, kissing each other softly, letting each other know just how deep your love goes.

-

You wake up sometime in the middle of the night to a crash outside.

You immediately sit up, looking around, your room dark and still. Bellamy is beside you, still fast asleep, but the hairs on your arm are lifted, alerting you that _something_ is wrong. You slide out of bed slowly, careful not to wake Bellamy, quickly pulling on Bellamy’s discarded shirt and a pair of your pants, before slipping out of your room and down the stairs. The ground level of the tavern is dark, lit only by a few lights outside, the establishment long since locked up for the night. Your eyes sweep over the room, finding nothing, and you stand at the bottom of the stairs frozen, listening and watching.

Still, the tavern is empty, no signs of disturbance. 

You shake your head, annoyed at yourself, sure that you’re on edge for nothing. You walk over to the bar, reaching for one of the many containers of alcohol, thinking that maybe you just need something to take off some of your edge, something to help mellow you out a bit and forget about the anxiety that always seems to sit beneath your skin. As you slide the bottle across the bar and over to you, you hear the door to the tavern creak open, and you spin around in shock.

You watch a tall figure step inside and pull the door closed behind them, and you tense up, growing worried again, until the figure steps into a beam of light, revealing Cillian. You let out a little laugh of relief, “Cillian, you scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry. I was just looking for your sister.”

“I thought she was with you, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. She just left earlier to watch the lanterns and I wanted to make sure she made it back here okay.” He steps towards you, into a larger beam of light, his clothes now visible to you. They’re different from his usual, fitted attire. These are much baggier, almost ratty, full of holes and covered in a thin layer of dirt. Something about it sends warning bells off in your head, and you set the bottle of alcohol back on the bar as Cillian smiles at you. “I am curious though, are you and your sister the only two with black blood?”

You think of Clarke mentioning the target on her back, and you can practically feel it being painted onto yours as you force out a casual laugh. “Yes, of course. Red blood is the norm, why would anyone else have anything different?”

Cillian continues to close the space between you, and you look around in a panic, wishing you had your Grounder knife on you. _Or a gun, or_ ** _something_** _._ Cillian tips his head to the side as he closes the last few feet of space between you. “Then why are you two different?”

“Genetic anomaly, I suppose. Twins are good for that, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.” He forces out a strained laugh before his face drops a little. “You shouldn’t be afraid of me.”

You shake your head a little, sliding along the bar, trying to create space between you. You glance up at the stairs, wondering if anyone would hear you from here, before looking back to Cillian. “Afraid? I’m not afraid of you.”

You feel your legs tense up as you eye the stairs again, and without waiting for Cillian’s response, you take off running towards them, opening your mouth to scream as you do. Unfortunately, the scream in your throat dies at the same time you feel a prick in the back of your neck. Your body locks up, as if every cell within you is made of concrete, and you start to fall, caught at the last second by Cillian. Your eyes are wide with fear, genuine terror, and when he turns you around he sees this, lifting you into his arms easily and muttering, “Don’t worry, it’s a temporary paralytic. By the time we get you to the Children of Gabriel, you’ll be fine.”

There is nothing for you to do but allow yourself to be carried out of the tavern in his arms. You try to move, or run, or scream, but your body refuses to obey any of your commands. Cillian is slipping between buildings, jogging lightly, and you’re terrified that you are about to be smuggled out of this village without anyone having a single clue of what happened to you.

Luckily for you, as Cillian steps out from one building and heads to a different one, you are spotted by two guards. They call out to him, trying to get him to stop, but he only picks up the pace, running as fast as he can. The guards split up, and one of them is able to cut him off around the next corner, blocking his path. “Put the girl down!”

Cillian looks down at you, and then to each of the guards that are blocking his exits before muttering, “Fine, okay.”

He sets you down gently, your only view a sliver of the sky and Cillian. He holds up his hands in surrender as he stares at the guard in front of him. “The Primes shouldn’t be allowed to have another host.”

 _Host?_ If they could, your brows would furrow, genuinely confused at what is going on. The guard yells back, “Shut up, cog!”

Cillian’s gaze flits down to you, and he whispers, “I _am_ sorry. Death to Primes!”

And before anyone can say anything else, he quickly reaches into the waistband of his pants and pulls out a large knife, before dragging it across his throat. Blood spills out from the wound on his neck, some of it splashing down onto you, before Cillian drops to his knees, and then finally he falls forward, body stretched across you. The guards rush forward and pull him off of you before they check you over, taking in the frantic movements of your eyes. “They used the paralytic, we need to get her to Russell Prime.”

The other guard nods and he scoops you up, and you feel a rush of relief that whatever terrible end you were about to meet is no longer an option. Instead, you will be given to Russell, he will unparalyze you, and you will get back into your bed with Bellamy, putting all of this behind you like it’s just a bad dream. 

The guards carry you up to the palace, but instead of taking the stairs to the top they head to a door on the ground level. They knock on the door and wait, before it is opened by none other than Russell himself. “What is it? What happened to her?”

“Sir, Cillian was a traitor. He was one of the Children of Gabriel.”

“Was?”

“He paralyzed her and then tried to leave with her. When we confronted him, he slit his own throat.”

Russell nods, and thinks for a moment before he steps aside and motions for them to enter the room. “Come in, put her on the table there.”

The guard carries you inside, into a semicircle of skeletons, all of them standing and watching you like a creepy, undead army. You are laid out on a table in the center of them before the two guards both leave, presumably to clean up Cillian’s mess. Russell steps into your line of vision, smiling sadly down at you, brushing your hair back and away from your face. You hear a door push open nearby, and the staccato of shoes on the stone floor of whatever room you’re in, before a voice calls out, “What is this?”

Russell looks up and turns to face the figure, which starts to walk into your view, revealing Simone, his wife. He keeps his voice low, in case anyone is listening, “Cillian was the traitor. He killed himself but not before using the paralytic on Clarke’s twin.” 

Simone looks at you in confusion, “Russell, why haven’t you used the antidote?”

“You know why.” He reaches up and touches a necklace around Simone’s throat, but she grabs his hand and holds it still as he continues, “She has the blood. Tell me not to do this, and I won’t, Simone.”

She glances over at your unmoving form. “Jade is back. Rose is dead.”

“Okay, so here’s the math. There are no more hosts. It was 14 years between Rose and Delilah. _14 years._ Josie’s still third in line. That means her host won’t be born for at best 35 years, another 21 until her brain is ready. We can wait 56 years for our baby girl’s Naming Day, or we can get her back tonight.” You feel your anxiety steadily start to grow as you listen to Russell’s words, the pieces slowly falling into place that you are still in danger. Cillian said something about hosts for the Primes, and you get a sickening feeling that you’re about to become one of them. Russell confirms your worst fears when he looks over you with pity and his voice drops a little to whisper to his wife, “All we have to do is kill this innocent girl.”

Simone looks at you long and hard, considering her options, before kissing her husband on the cheek and pulling open her necklace, revealing a small piece of technology. Russell takes it as Simone coldy says, “I’ll prep for insertion. You clear the host.”

Your panic levels shoot off the charts and you start to cry, the only response your body can manage while still paralyzed. Russell walks over to you, dropping right into your vision, looking distressed to see you upset. “I’m sorry, I truly am.”

The tears fall harder, running over your nose and onto the table below you, and Russell reaches out to wipe them away, “Shh, please don’t cry. _Please_. I promise you won’t feel pain. The mind of the host is erased, but the brain is left unharmed. You’re giving us such a gift, sacrificing your body so that someone else might live.”

You start praying to the Universe, begging for your life to be spared. You pray to your dad, and to Lincoln, to Jasper, and Monty, to anyone you can think of, crying and begging for all of this to just be a bad dream and for it to be over. But the Universe seems unwilling to save you this time, because Simone walks over, a syringe in her hands. When she sees her husband’s turmoil, she sets the syringe down to comfort him, her voice low. “Hey, listen to me. This was meant to be. After 236 years, just as we’re on the brink of mortality, a ship arrives carrying this perfect vessel. This was meant to be.”

She passes him the syringe, and he takes it, holding it up so you can see it. Your fear turns to anger, and you wish you could move because you would kill Russell and Simone both for even considering this. There is nothing more that you want, other than to survive this and kill them both. 

But that is not what’s in your future, because Russell looks down at you, his inner turmoil now gone. “No more fighting, you’ll be at peace. Thank you for this.”

And then he slides the syringe into your neck, sending the liquid into your body while you’re unable to do anything. He pulls the syringe away and leans down to press a kiss to your forehead, before leaning back to watch your final moments. And as you start to die, as your mind starts to be erased from the world, all you can think is that, after all the shit you’ve been through, this is it. This is how you go. All the death you’ve faced, all the times you’ve been choked within an inch of your life, and your death is ultimately at the hands of a set of parents, eager to bring their daughter back to life at the sake of making you lose yours. 

Along the edges of your vision, the darkness starts to creep in, and you feel another rush of panic as you realize that this is truly the end. You’re in your final seconds of life and none of the people that you love even know it. Your mind drifts to Madi, and braiding flowers into her hair. Clarke, and the countless nights the two of you spent laughing and talking. And then your mind settles on Bellamy, the love of your life, the man of your dreams, the ring he gave you still sitting heavy on your finger. A ring to symbolize a marriage that you will never get. A ring to symbolize a life that you will no longer be able to live. 

The last thing you see as the darkness rushes in, is Bellamy’s smiling face, framed by freckles and curls, nothing but love in his eyes.

-

Bellamy wakes up in a panic.

Subconsciously, it’s like his body knows that you aren’t there beside him, and when he pulls his eyes open to the bright sun, he finds that he’s right.

You’re gone.

He dresses quickly and rushes to Madi and Clarke’s room, pounding on the door loudly before he’s greeted by Clarke, her hair a mess, her hands wiping the sleep from her eyes. Any other time the sight would be funny to him, seeing the normally put together Clarke looking anything but put together, but it’s not funny now, because all he feels is panic. “Have you seen la lune?”

“No, isn’t she with you?”

“No, she was gone when I woke up.”

“Maybe she’s downstairs.”

“Something’s wrong, I can feel it.”

And now that Bellamy has said the words out loud, Clarke realizes that she can feel it too. The prickle of unease along her skin, the hairs on the back of her neck lifted, letting her that know something isn’t right. Which is why she grabs her shoes and follows Bellamy out of the room, both of them frantically searching every inch of the tavern. They find that your shoes are still in your room, but your pants are gone and so is Bellamy’s shirt from the night before. Everything else is in place, not a single item out of the ordinary.

They check the area around the tavern, finding nothing there either. Which is why they take off running to the palace in search of Russell, surprised to find you already there, talking to the leader of Sanctum. You turn to your twin and your fiance with a smile, greeting them both, mumbling something about ‘best laid plans’ before you pass Bellamy a map. He accepts it, and the three of you return to the tavern to look it over, alongside Murphy, who seems to notice nothing strange about you until you call him John.

Bellamy and Clarke are still both on edge, constantly questioning you on if you feel alright, a question you answer yes to every time, waving off their concerns. But they only grow more concerned when Gaia comes to all of you, telling you she saw Jordan go into the reliquary of the palace. And when you follow him inside, you discover the secret of the Primes: that they are coldblooded body snatchers, disguising themselves as gods.

Clarke, Bellamy, and the others are horrified. You, however, offer justification for their actions, something that confuses the two people closest to you. Maybe that’s why they call a team meeting, under the guise of informing Madi of the danger she’s in, something your face lights up about when mentioned. But as Bellamy and Clarke fill Madi in on everything, their eyes stay on you, noting your mannerisms and the things you seem interested in. Their eyes only leave yours to calm down Jordan when he confronts Priya, a moment you use to carefully slip away, heading outside in search of Jade.

Bellamy and Clarke follow you and then confront you, finally confirming that something is wrong with you, despite your insistence otherwise. And it’s only then, after you’ve drugged them both, do you reveal that you are not you after all.

You are Josephine Lightbourne, and your body is her new host.

-

The first thing Clarke Griffin does when she wakes up is _scream_.

It’s loud, and heartbreaking, and it wakes Bellamy, who’s chained beside her in a room deep within the palace.

And as soon as they lock eyes, as soon as they realize that you’re _gone_ , they both lose it. When the guards arrive for the next shift change, the previous guards complain that Bellamy and Clarke haven’t quieted down since waking up. They’ve screamed and cried and then screamed again. They’ve smashed furniture, banged on walls, rattled their chains. They quiet down briefly with Murphy’s arrival, but as soon as they realize that he’s trying to play them, trying to force their hand into taking a deal that will leave your death unavenged, they kick him out and raise hell again.

Which is why the guards are relieved to see Josephine arrive later that evening, a knife carefully hidden in the sleeve of her jacket, because they realize they’re finally going to get some peace and quiet. 

That peace, however, is short lived.

Because Russell comes in minutes later, Murphy in tow, and the yelling resumes again. Clarke and Bellamy present a united front, and unleash a verbal tirade against everyone in the room. Eventually the guards wander off, tired of listening to the chaos inside, both of them missing the climax of the evening. Josephine, using your body, _your hands_ , cuts Clarke’s hands free. Clarke kicks Josephine’s hand, knocking the knife out of her grip, watching it slide over to Bellamy, and he reaches for it as Clarke hits Josephine in the neck, forcing her to start coughing and choking. Clarke immediately spins towards Russell, kicking him in the stomach and watching as he doubles over. Bellamy calls Clarke’s name, and she turns his way as he tosses her the knife, which she grabs from the air before turning back towards Russell. She wraps her arm around his neck and uses her other hand to hold the knife to the artery in his neck. 

Russell’s eyes go wide and Clarke turns him slightly, until they’re facing Bellamy and Josephine. She’s held tight in Bellamy’s grip, the cord of restraint wrapped around her neck, just waiting for Clarke’s command to kill her. Murphy yells both of their names above the chaos, sounding panicked, “Stop, alright? You don’t want them to kill all of us! Just think!”

“They won’t kill any of us if they’re all dead, Murphy.”

Russell struggles slightly in Clarke’s grip, and she presses the knife into his skin, nicking him. He winces, sucking in air through his teeth, freezing up completely, looking at his daughter with fear. “Josephine!”

Josephine looks at her dad, sounding apologetic, but Clarke can tell she only cares about saving her own life. “I’m sorry, daddy. Violence is all they know.”

She looks away from her father, her eyes moving to Clarke. “If killing him is what you need, then do it, but let the violence end here…an eye for an eye.”

“Why should I let the violence end here, Josephine? It took me and Bellamy seconds to get you and your father under control. Imagine how quickly we can kill the rest of the Primes when I tell the rest of our people what you’ve done.” Clarke looks at Bellamy, and he tightens his grip on Josephine’s neck, choking her slightly, proving her point. 

Murphy yells, “Wanheda, stop!”

Clarke freezes, the nickname making her blood run cold. “If you kill them, that’s what you become. The Commander of Death. Is that what you want? Is that really what your twin would want? You’ve done everything in your power to escape this nickname! Killing these people in your twin’s name would go against everything that both of you have worked for! And it would make you a murderer, no better than the Grounders, or the Mountain Men, or Pike, or McCreary. Because this isn’t a kill for survival, this is revenge, plain and simple.”

Clarke looks at Bellamy, feeling the conflict warring inside of her, unsure what to do. She has done everything to escape Wanheda and the horrors of her past, and she knows that if you were here, you wouldn’t want her to kill everyone inside of Sanctum. But you’re not here and that’s the problem. Clarke’s struggling to see the point in anything; why do better and strive for peace if you’re not here to see it? Maybe she should just kill everyone, and really give herself over to Wanheda, become the killer that everyone seems to think she is. _Everyone except for you._ Her mind spins with her conflict, and Bellamy can sense it, catching onto the panic in her expression with ease. “It’s your decision, Clarke. I’ll support you, no matter what.”

The words are enough to decide for her, and the fight leaves Clarke’s body in a rush. Her grip loosens and the knife drops from her hand, clattering to the ground at her feet. She drops her arm away from Russell and he steps away from her, reaching up to touch the small amount of black blood that drips from the tiny cut on his neck. Bellamy releases Josephine, who seems to think the whole situation is a joke, smiling as she steps away from him and passes a pair of mind drives to Murphy, repeating Murphy’s earlier words back to him. “Big swings.”

The sight of the drives makes both Bellamy and Clarke sick, unable to even look at Murphy or Josephine. Russell looks between the pair with apprehension, trying to calm the situation further. “If you let us live, I can guarantee safety for the rest of your people. We’ll share everything we’ve learned about surviving on this moon.”

Bellamy steps towards Russell threateningly, his gaze hard and angry, and he grinds out, “We are _not_ doing this for you, we’re doing it for _her_.”

Russell nods and Clarke glances at Josephine, your silver moon necklace still hanging around her neck. “If my twin is dead, we want her jewelry back.”

Clarke holds out her hand expectantly, and Josephine glances at her dad, waiting for him to disagree. But instead he nods, motioning for her to give it up, and she scoffs before she quickly unchains the necklace and pulls off the engagement ring from Bellamy, dropping them both into Clarke’s hand with an eye roll. “It’s tacky, anyways.”

Clarke’s fist curls around the jewelry and she steps towards Josephine, fully intending to punch her, but Russell steps between the pair with an apologetic look on his face. “She didn’t mean that.”

“Yes she did.” But Clarke backs down anyways, earning a nod of satisfaction from Russell. “Good. We’ll meet tomorrow to discuss the details of your compound. Do we have a deal?”

Clarke and Bellamy exchange a long look, both of them silently communicating in the way that only best friends can, both of them clearly hesitant to let this go. But then they both think of Monty and doing better, and how much you truly wanted to do better, and they nod, giving their approval to Russell. “We have a deal.”

When Bellamy shakes Russell’s outstretched hand, it feels to him like he’s made a deal with the devil.

-

Clarke and Bellamy inform the others of your death as soon as they’re free from the palace, and the news is taken hard by everyone. Madi struggles with it the most, and Clarke carries her up to their room to comfort her, staying by her side long after the young Nightblood has fallen asleep. Eventually, she leaves the room in search of Bellamy, the ring still tucked safely in her pocket, and she’s unsurprised to find him mourning near the pond in the center of the village, tears streaming down his face as he looks to the sky, his eyes locked on the moon. He doesn’t wipe his tears away when Clarke sits down beside him. He would if it was anyone else, but he trusts Clarke, and he knows that she understands the loss he’s feeling, because she feels it too.

They sit in silence for a long time, side by side, mourning the bright la lune that they love so desperately. Clarke eventually passes Bellamy the ring, and he stares down at it, his heart breaking all over again. “She only had it for a few hours before they-”

He cuts himself off, his tears rising again, choking on his answer. He can’t say it, can’t think about it, too horrified to think of what you must have been experiencing in that moment. Alone, betrayed by someone you thought you could trust, killed without a second thought. It’s almost too much for him to bear. It reminds him of being on the ring, separated from you after Praimfaya, and it makes his heart ache. He already went through this once, sure that he lost you then, though he had no proof. But now, he’s really sure, because your body’s walking around, but you’re not in it. Someone else is in control, because you’re no longer inside. Your memories are gone, your thoughts, feelings, emotions, all gone. Wiped from your mind to make space for someone else.

The thought makes him sick, and he has a half second to recognize the feeling before he turns and vomits, overwhelmed by the emotions of the situation. Clarke is unable to do anything but cry, heartbroken by the loss of her other half, destroyed by the idea that she’s no longer a twin. She’s a single child, the way everyone thought she was, and the loss clings to her. It wraps itself around her, curling between her fingers, tangling itself up in her hair, letting Clarke know that she’s the only child of Jake and Abby Griffin that remains in this world.

-

Meanwhile, Josephine is back in her own room in the castle. 

She is in her own clothes, with her own comforts, no longer forced to play pretend with the killers from Earth. She’s blissfully unaware, uncaring, of the pain she’s caused, or the trauma that she’s left behind in her wake. 

She pops a sleeping pill in her mouth and washes it down with a sip of water, before flicking off the light and settling back into her soft sheets, finally ready for her first sleep in her new body. Everything slows around her, fading away until there is nothing left in the world. She slips into darkness, falling into the comfort of sleep, numb to everything around her. And as Josephine’s consciousness fades, a flip switches in her body, your body, another consciousness awakening.

-

Your eyes fly open and you sit up with a gasp, panic heavy in your chest, remembering your death at Russell’s hands.

And somehow, some way, you’re in Arkadia, in the room you shared with Bellamy, and you are very much _alive_.

-


	2. ii. how deep is the moon?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, fighting, language, angst, anxiety, blood, death, mentions of Shumway.
> 
> Summary: the battle for your body begins, but who will come out on top? you or josephine?

It takes a second for the flood of panic to leave your system, and it’s quickly replaced with confusion.

Despite your last memory being of you stretched out on a table, surrounded by skeletons while being murdered by Russell Lightbourne, you are now in Arkadia, in the room you shared with Bellamy before Praimfaya. Your clothes are the same ones you used to wear back then, long since discarded. The closer you look at the room though, the more you realize it’s not right.

In fact, it’s a mess.

Clarke’s sketches clutter the walls, taped over each other, overlapping in some places. Weirdly enough though, some of the sketches are from your memories, not hers, etched out perfectly despite her not being present for the memory. Scattered among the sketches are star charts, each of them labeled differently, and you reach out to touch the closest one, simply labeled, “The Kiss. October 11, 2149.”

As soon as your fingers brush over the paper, you get a glimpse of a memory: _Bellamy, hovered above you, the sound of Grounders and Delinquents fighting in the background. But all you see is him, and all you feel is him as he leans down to kiss you._ You pull away in shock, not expecting the memory to appear around you so vividly. You reach out and run your hands along the cluttered wall, and your hand passes over a sketch, transporting you out of your room again. This time, _you’re standing in Vincent and Maya’s bathroom, with Bellamy’s arms wrapped around you._ You pull away again, walking along the room, scanning the belongings. A stack of books sits on the desk in the corner, and you smile as you look down at them, _The Illiad_ on top. You reach out to grab it, but when you do, _you see Gina in front of you, slumped over the desk, bleeding out._ You gasp and drop the book in shock, stepping away from it, suddenly realizing that not all of the memories in this room are good ones. 

As your eyes scan over the sketches and star maps and assorted books, you see memories from every year of your life, both the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. There’s a star map near you, and you get curious and move towards it, reading the label, “Sister. March 28, 2150.”

When you reach out and touch it, you see _you and Octavia hugging, right before the Final Conclave, days before Praimfaya_. Beside it is a sketch of McCreary torturing you and Clarke, your fight with Bellamy outside of the Second Dawn bunker because of his relationship with Echo, you nearly being killed in Shallow Valley by the Eligius prisoner, sitting with your family in your living room on the Ark. You step back, almost overwhelmed with the memories, _your_ memories, that are held within this room, and as you take a deep breath to center yourself, you hear a door creak open behind you. You turn your gaze to the door to the room, light now filtering in through the crack, and curious, you walk towards it, pushing the door open wider and stepping outside.

Except outside is actually inside, because you get a flash of light before you realize that you are now standing in the church that you, Madi, and Clarke used as your home in Shallow Valley. When you look down, your clothes are different again, your outfit one that you wore frequently in the valley, and as you step deeper into the room, you realize now that you’re not alone. A figure stands near one of the windows, peering out, their back to you. But you don’t need them to turn around for you to know that it’s your father, because you just _know_.

You let out a little gasp at the sight of him, and he turns to face you, a smile on his face. You feel tears rise to your eyes as you look at him, his face a little older than it was at his death. He whispers, “Hello, sweetheart.”

He opens his arms and you crash into him, pressing your face into his chest, smelling his scent of grease and Ark soap. Tears fall down your face as you hug him tightly, only pulling away when a thought starts to nag in your head. “How are you here?”

His voice is calm, yet serious, when he asks, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I died.” And saying the words out loud, they shock you a little, because it feels like they have solidified the truth of what you already knew. _You’re dead, your mind in some sort of afterlife, and that’s why you can see your father. That’s how he’s here._ Your dad seems to sense that you’re spiraling, because he turns you around and starts to guide you over to one of the tables in the room. “Come here, let’s sit.”

You plop down into the chair, looking at your father in shock, your voice a quiet whisper. “It’s over. I’ve been fighting for so long.”

“I know you have.”

A horrifying realization hits you hard, bringing tears to your eyes. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Bellamy, or Clarke, Madi, Mom.”

Each new name that pops into your head, each unsaid goodbye, makes you more emotional, and as your dad gazes at you with a sad expression, you hear the clap of thunder outside. The lighting in the room changes quickly, the sunlight fading and now hidden behind a wall of clouds, and you stand and turn to the window, walking over to gaze out at the suddenly stormy sky in confusion. “What the hell? It started when I got upset.”

Behind you, your dad calls your name, drawing your attention back to him. “Listen, what do you hear?”

You listen for a second, your ears only picking up on the soft patter of rain on the window, so you roll your eyes and look towards him. “Rain?”

He laughs, and the sound brings a smile to your face, but his amusement fades as he locks eyes with you. “I’m serious, la lune. _Focus_. Between the raindrops, what else do you hear?”

You close your eyes, listening hard, focusing on the sound between the raindrops, and slowly, your ears start to pick up on a different sound, a steady thumping sound. The longer you focus, the louder it grows, until you open your eyes and look at your dad in surprise. “A heartbeat.”

He smiles and nods, and you look at him in shock, “I’m still alive.” But before he can say anything, you shake your head, instantly refuting your own statement. “No. No, I saw it. Russell killed me.” 

“He didn’t.”

You shake your head again, starting to grow frustrated. “You’re just in my head. I loved being here with Clarke and Madi, and I love you, so here we are.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Your dad stands from his place at the table and crosses the room over to you, pulling you into his arms at the first sign of your now falling tears. Your emotions are all over the place, confusing you, and you feel yourself growing frustrated as you struggle to understand what’s going on. You pull away from your dad slightly so you can look into his face when you ask, “I don’t understand. Am I dreaming?”

“This place is reacting to you, so we’re just in your subconscious somehow. Beyond that, there are no answers for you here, so go on. Go figure this out. I’ll be here if you need me.”

You look up at your father, into his smiling face, your grief over losing him hitting you in a way that it hasn’t in months. You suddenly realize that you’re grateful for this moment, that you get to see him again, but you know that walking out the door and leaving him behind will just amplify your loss again. Because if you do figure this out and leave all of this behind, you’ll be leaving him behind too. And subconscious projection or not, that loss still pains you. Your father motions towards the door, urging you to leave, and you whisper, “I love you, Dad.”

“Forever, my little la lune. Now go on.”

You nod and turn away from him, heading back to the door of the church, stopping just as you reach it to turn and look back at your dad one last time. He smiles and waves at you, and you smile back before turning and pushing the door open, temporarily blinded by the light again. This time when the light fades, you’re standing in the halls of the Ark, the whole ship empty and abandoned. You hear a scream from behind you, followed by muffled yelling of, “Sanctum is mine!”

You spin around, your anxiety spiking, your eyes landing on a door at the end of the hall. Despite your limited knowledge of the Ark and its appearance, you know this door is out of place. It’s red, with a wreath hanging on the front, and it clearly looks like the door to someone’s house, not one that belongs on the Ark. You mutter, “What the hell is going on?”

And as if the ship was just waiting for you to ask, you hear a door creak open behind you. You turn and look at it as you whisper, “It _is_ reacting to me.”

You walk towards it and push the door open, your clothes now changing again as you step back into your shared room with Bellamy. This time, you’re wearing the outfit you were wearing in Polis, when Clarke shut down the City of Light. As you look up from your clothes and gaze around the room, you realize that someone else is here. A woman in a red dress turns to face you, and you feel a chill roll down your spine as you lock eyes with Alie, who gives you a small smile. “Hello, Miss Griffin.”

You shake your head, backing away from her slightly. “No. Clarke pulled the kill switch, she destroyed you!”

“And I saved you.” You look at her in confusion, and she motions to your memories scattered all around the room. “Why do you think you’re still here? I may be gone, but this precious repository of your memories is here because of me. You’re welcome.”

You look around the room and then to her in confusion, trying to understand why Alie would be responsible for your safety. But then you remember the chip, the one forced down your throat as you tried to protect Clarke, the contents of the chip still inside your head. “The neural mesh is still in my head. It must have interfered with the drug they used to wipe my mind.”

“Correct, and so you see, you exist because of me. But you won’t if they figure out how you freed Raven.” She motions to a drawing on the wall, one of Raven tied to a bed, her mouth opened in a scream. You glance at it and then back to Alie. “We EMP’d the chip, but only in Raven and my Mom.”

“If I were you, and in a way, I am, I’d keep this memory safe.” She pulls the sketch off the wall, balling up the paper and pressing it into a tight ball, closing her hand around it. When she opens her hand again, the sketch is now transformed into one of the City of Light chips, small enough for you to easily hide. You take the chip from her hand and tuck it into a small pocket inside your jacket, before turning your gaze back to Alie. “Thank you. But for the record, you tried to steal all those memories you’re now saving.”

“I tried to spare you the pain and horror of your existence.”

You shake your head. “There is no joy without pain.” 

She turns away from you, gazing at your various memories before turning to face you again. “I never did understand humans. Those painful memories aren’t even here. They’re cast away deep in your mind, where you don’t have to face them, and yet, you can’t let them go.”

You look around the room, realizing that she’s right, though you don’t want to admit it. There are sad and painful memories here, but the worst ones, the ones that really hurt you, are locked away somewhere, left out of the sketches and star maps and books of your mind. But as you stand across from Alie, you start to get a nagging feeling in your mind. one that’s reminding you of a red door at the end of the hall. You look up again as Alie starts to walk away, presumably to leave you alone, but you call out to her, “Wait.”

She turns to look at you, waiting for what you have to say. “You said this is a repository of my memories.”

She nods, confirming her earlier words, so you continue, “But there’s something here I’ve never seen.”

“I told you to keep your memory of Raven safe. But I never told you who from.”

“Who is it? Who’s in my head?”

“I think you’ll find that you already know the answer to that. Maybe it’s time to open another door.” And before you can say anything, she turns and walks away, disappearing into the wall like a forgotten ghost. You walk out of your room, back into the halls of the Ark, moving towards the large red door slowly, growing more nervous with each step. The same yelling you heard earlier is repeating now, punctuated by a chorus of screams, and as you come to a stop right outside the door, the Ark announces, “Proximity alert.”

You reach out and touch the handle, turning the knob slowly, but the door flies open first, freaking you out. You scramble backwards, away from the bright light, watching as a figure makes its way towards you. As the door swings shut behind them and the light starts to fade, you come face to face with a familiar looking blonde, one who is grinning at you and saying your name. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many things, most of them murdery, but, you know, no judgment.”

The sight of her tugs at a memory, reminding you of the picture you, Bellamy, and Clarke saw in the creepy shrine on Sanctum, and you stare at her in confusion. “Josephine?”

“In the flesh, but you shouldn’t have opened that door. This body is not big enough for both of us.”

The sight of her hits you like a ton of bricks, truly confirming what you were sure of all alone. “Russell really did it. He stole my body.”

“And clearly made a mess of it. It’s been hundreds of years since a mind wipe failed. She looks around, slightly impressed. “But I gotta say, this isn’t bad. Not as organized as my mindspace, of course, but mildly impressive.”

“Mindspace?”

“The brain creates these constructs when two minds share a body, like lucid dreaming only not as fun. It’s a self preservation thing, trying to keep the minds separate so the body doesn’t die. You kind of messed that up when you opened the door, so, you know, thanks for the accelerated brain deterioration.”

You feel a wave of panic wash over you. “What’s going to happen?”

“Brain hemorrhaging will lead to a stroke, and we all fall down. It’s messy and hurts like a mother, would not recommend it. Two minds, one brain never ends well, so this,” She motions between the two of you, looking annoyed. “It’s a problem. How did you even survive?”

A voice in your head reminds you of the chip in your pocket, one that Alie explicitly told you to keep safe. You glare at Josephine, your panic starting to subside as you focus on your anger. “You just want to know so you can figure out how to get rid of me.”

“Weren’t you listening? If we don’t do something, this body dies. Is that what you want?”

Your voice starts to rise as you counter, “Of course not. But why can’t you just find a new body and give mine back?”

“I could, I suppose, but it’s risky. The last Primes who went on ice died forever, and I’m not really into that. Besides, just between us girls, I kind of like your body.”

Your anger flares, your blood starting to feel white hot within you. “You’re a sociopath.”

“Judgy. Besides, like you’re one to talk, _Wanlida_.” Your fist clenches at your side as you remind yourself to stay in control and not lash out. _Yet_. “The way I see it, you have two options. Tell me how you survived so I can fix it, and I’ll make sure your people live happily ever after. Or don’t, and eventually we’ll both die anyways. The difference is, I’ll be reborn in someone else, tell my father what happened, and he’ll kick your people out to die in the woods.”

You practically spit, “Go float yourself.”

She shakes her head in confusion, clearly starting to get annoyed that you won’t just roll over and take it. “I have no idea what that means.”

“It means that I’m not telling you anything, and I don’t go down without a fight.” 

Josephine scoffs, her expression turning to one of slight amusement. “Wow. You’re selfish, not to mention dumb. Your mindspace contains all of your memories, so try not to think of where you keep them.”

Of course, as soon as she says the words, your mind flashes to your room within Arkadia, and the door at the end of the hall swings open, practically inviting her in. You feel a flash of frustration as she pushes past you, heading straight to the room, her voice taunting you. “You control your mindspace. Too bad you can’t control your thoughts!”

You turn and jog down the hall after her, glaring at her as you walk into your room and see her gazing at all of your star maps and sketches with distaste. “This is a disaster.”

“Get out of my head!”

She rolls her eyes and glances your way. “Now, now. Sharing is caring.”

She brushes her fingers over a few memories on the wall, including Octavia being the first delinquent on Earth, you and Bellamy putting the Flame in Madi’s head, and Finn giving you the star charm to give to Clarke. She reaches the one blank spot on the wall, where the overlapping sketches and star maps are clearing missing one of their own, and Josephine turns to you with a smirk. “Are you hiding a memory from me? Rude.”

You snap, “You’ll never find it.”

She brushes past you again, checking out more of your memories as she walks around the room, talking to you as she moves. “You know, I study all life, but insects always fascinated me most. They’re merciless, ruthless. I respect that. People are so messy, so emotional. Because of that, they give themselves away. I could always figure people out, even as a kid. I could tell when they were nervous. Their pulses would beat faster. Eyes would dart. Breath would quicken. It’s physiological. You know what my spidey senses are telling me about you right now?”

She comes around and stops in front of you, and you glare at her and answer, “That I’ll never help you wipe my mind?”

“You think you’re a badass, but your bravado covers self doubt. You had to physicalize your secret so you could keep it close, where you have control. I bet you have it on you right now. Now let me have it.”

She swings a punch towards you, and you almost smile as you realize you’re back in your element. Because the thought of Josephine taking your body freaks you out, but a physical fight is right up your alley. You spent months learning how to fight from both Lincoln and Octavia, and right now, in your mindspace, you have no injuries. No cut up leg to hold you back, no injured shoulders or bruised ribs. Right now, _you are at your best_. Which is why you deflect Josephine’s punch with ease before immediately following the move up with a punch of your own. It lands on her face, and she staggers backwards a little, but you bear down on her, punching her again. You remember the move Bellamy used on you during the eclipse, when he grabbed your shoulder and held you in place so he could punch you, and you use the same move on Josephine, except you hold her in place and bring your knee up to hit her in the stomach. 

She doubles over in pain before she feels a rush of anger, which she channels before she runs at you, wrapping her arms around your center and pushing you backwards. The two of you fall through the door behind you, now out in the halls of the Ark. You scramble to your feet first, and as Josephine tries to get up and come at you again, you deliver another punch to her face, knocking her to the ground. Black blood is now dripping out of her mouth, but you don’t care, still so pissed off that she’s even here, in _your_ body _._ You knee her in the chin and she collapses to the ground on her stomach, trying to crawl away from you, but you press your shoe down onto her back, pinning her in place before you swing the heavy metal door of your room towards her head, hitting her in the skull.

You slam the door against her a few times, until you’re sure she’s dead, and then you drop down to the ground in a heap, staring at Josephine’s dead body in shock, panting as you try to catch your breath. Your hands are shaking, your brain trying to process what is likely your most brutal kill, and you close your eyes and take in a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down. But as you do, you hear an alarm ring out, and you pull your eyes open as the Ark announces, “Warning. Collision alert.”

You look to the place Josephine’s body was just in, the ground now empty, and you mutter in horror. “No.”

You pull yourself to your feet and run to the hallway with the red door, watching as the knob twists and the door swings open, Josephine walking back into the Ark with a smirk in her face. “We’re back, bitches.”

You ignore the stolen words from your stolen memory, focusing only on the horror of her return, your head shaking in disbelief. “How?”

“Come on, you’re smarter than that. How do you think we’re resurrected? My mind drive backs my consciousness. I can’t die in the mindspace, but you can, unless whatever fluke kept you here can bring you back. You, my friend, are playing for keeps. I took a sedative about an hour ago, so that gives me all night to kill you in here or find the memory of how I can kill you out there. Got a preference?”

Your mind runs through a hundred different scenarios at once, before your fight or flight instincts kick in, ultimately choosing flight. You turn and take off running, putting space between you and Josephine’s taunting voice. “Easy or hard way, either way, you die!”

You ignore her, running through the Ark until you reach a set of doors, which automatically open for you, temporarily blinding you with light again until it starts to dim. But as they dim, you realize that you’re no longer on the Ark. You are now back in Polis, after Praimfaya, in the room that you and Bellamy used to put the Flame in Madi. You look around the room, trying to find a place to hide, but you stop when you see a figure standing in the middle of the room, their back to you. You already know it’s Madi, even before she turns around, all dressed up in her Heda clothes. “Madi?”

She turns to face you, her expression blank, her voice emotionless. “Hello, ani.”

“Madi, you have to help me, I have to hide from Josephine. She’s trying to kill me.”

“It’s always something with you, isn’t it?” 

You shake your head, looking at your niece in confusion. “What?”

“Me and Clarke were never enough when we lived in the valley, and you spent all of your time thinking about and wishing for Bellamy. You always wondered why my relationship with you was different from my relationship with Clarke’s, and it’s because Clarke was actually there for me. You never were.”

You shake your head, tears rising to your eyes. “What? Madi, no, that isn’t true.”

“Isn’t it though? Isn’t that why you put the Flame in my head? Because, compared to Clarke, I’m expendable. Even though it meant ruining your relationship with her, you were willing to sacrifice me and put a target on my back just to save her. But it was more than that, wasn’t it? Because without Bellamy there to put the idea in your head, without him there to convince you, you would have never done that to me! He convinced you that it was the only way to save Clarke, but you never even stopped to consider another way.”

“Octavia would have killed Clarke!”

“Octavia almost killed _me_!” You stare at her in shock, not used to hearing her yell. “But that didn’t matter to you, because all you cared about was following Bellamy, at the expense of me, and your relationship with Clarke.”

“But it wasn’t at your expense, Madi, because you were safe, _I protected you_. And Clarke, she forgave me. She understands!”

“Does she? Then why isn’t she here right now?”

You look around in shock, realizing that your twin is missing, and there must be a reason why. Madi, of course, is well aware of that reason. “You’re afraid to face her because you think that she, and everyone around you, thinks that you’re just a shadow to Bellamy. You’ll sacrifice anyone and everyone to keep him safe, the rest of us be damned.”

“That’s a lie! I would do anything to protect Bellamy, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to give up Clarke or you or mom or just anyone else to do it.”

She shrugs, a sinister smile on her face. “I don’t know why you’re arguing with me, ani. After all, I’m just a subconscious projection of you.”

Before you can answer her, an alarm starts to blare, warning you, “Collision alert.”

The doors slide open and Josephine steps inside, smirking at you. You look at Madi in fear, whispering, “Madi, you have to help me!”

“No.” You look between them for a second before you take off running again, moving through the room towards the door that leads to the streets of Polis. Madi watches you go and shrugs at Josephine, “Have fun!”

Josephine laughs, yelling at your retreating figure, “Even your projections hate you!”

You ignore her and push open the door to the outside, the light taking you over before it subsides again. Your clothes have changed again, your body now covered with a sweater, jeans, and tennis shoes. Your stomach drops, aware of the last time you wore these clothes. The light around you is still bright, but it’s not because you’re still transitioning into the next space. It’s because you are in a bright white hallway, surrounded by bright white rooms, with bright white lights. Your gaze travels up from your clothes to a sign on the wall, confirming your suspicions as you read the words, “Mount Weather: Quarantine Ward.”

Your gaze moves over to the door, the glass smashed, and as you peer through it, you can see that there’s a body bag sprawled out across the bed, a body sitting inside. You push the door open and step into the room slowly, walking over to the body cautiously, afraid of what you’re going to find. You take a deep breath to give yourself strength, and then you reach out and pull the zipper down, slowly revealing a face covered in radiation burns. Not just any face though, Maya’s face. You whisper, “Maya?”

Her eyes suddenly snap open and she smirks at you, and you step back a little, unsettled by the sight. “Hi.”

She sits up, her skin marred by radiation, because of _you_. You, Clarke, and Bellamy made a choice to save your people. You pulled a lever to save them, but it was at the expense of everyone else in the mountain. And looking down at Maya now, at the death you had a hand in, despite all the help she gave you, you know that you haven’t really ever dealt with what you did in Mount Weather. Those deaths, whether you’re actively thinking of them or not, are part of your darker memories, hidden within you. This isn’t the scary place, not yet, but you realize this must be the road that leads there, your journey away from Josephine taking you closer and closer to the darkness. You shake your head as you stare at Maya, backing away from her, heading to the door. “No. I don’t want this, I don’t want any of this.”

“That’s the thing, la lune. Some part of you does want this, or I wouldn’t be here.” She climbs out of the bed and comes to stand across from you, cocking her head to the side. “I have a question for you: Why are you fighting so hard to stay alive?”

“I have to-”

She cuts you off, already aware of what you’re going to say. “Save your people. Yes, I know. Too bad I wasn’t in that group, huh?”

“Maya.” Your voice cracks a little, tears rising to your eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to save everyone, but Cage, and Lexa, and Emerson, they forced our hand. They were killing my mother. _I had to_ , I’m sorry.”

“Tell me, are you sorry about Jasper, too? After all, killing me is what sent him off the deep end.”

You shake your head, “No, that wasn’t me. Jasper made his choice.”

“Wrong. His death is on you too, Wanlida. You do things, but other people pay the price.”

“ _Enough_.”

She smiles at you, the expression so mismatched to the words coming out of her mouth. “You’ve killed more people than you’ve saved. Do you realize that? If you actually cared about saving people’s lives, you’d walk away. Because how can anyone do better with you still around? You’re the reason that death finds them, after all. Clarke can’t kill them if you don’t lead her there.”

You open your mouth to argue, but you’re cut off by the alarms in the room ringing, repeating the words, “Radiation alert. Radiation alert. Radiation alert.”

Maya glances at them, and then turns her smile to you. “She’s coming. Why don’t you give in to her? Just give up control for once.”

Her words remind you of something, of Josephine’s earlier words to you. _You control your mindspace._ You look at Maya with realization. “Control. _I’m_ in control. I have an idea.”

You pull the City of Light chip from your pocket, holding it out in your palm so Maya can see it. And then you close your palm and your eyes, thinking of your journey to the darkness, of the scary place hidden with your darkest memories. You open the door to it, find the little lock box in your mind and drop the chip inside, locking the box behind you before closing the door and opening your eyes. When you open your palm, it is now empty, the memory hidden deep inside of your mind. 

Just in time too, because Josephine pushes open the door to the room just then, looking at Maya with intrigue. “Whoa. you have a little something…”

She trails off, pointing to Maya’s face, and Maya reaches up to touch her damaged skin before she catches on to Josephine’s cruel joke. She laughs, before she glances at you, and you mentally adjust projection Maya’s attitude towards you so that she’ll help you. Maya turns to Josephine and mutters, “She hid it in the cave.”

You play along, glaring at her and exclaiming, “Are you kidding me?”

Josephine laughs, looking between the two of you with amusement, completely falling for it. “I mean, your projections are the best.”

She turns her focus to Maya, “Care to take us?”

Maya nods in agreement, transporting all three of you to the entrance to a cave. Maya motions towards it, and Josephine nods at her in thanks. “Thank you, melty girl.”

She starts walking into the cave, everything around you growing darker and darker as the tunnel grows skinnier, until finally the cave opens up into a room. The room is adorned with a few meager belongings, a bed of furs in the corner, and Josephine looks at it in disgust. “Ugh, gross. Who the hell would live here?”

You see the movement behind her, and you nod towards it with a smirk, “He would.”

Josephine turns around in shock, catching a split second glimpse of Lincoln before he knocks her out. Her body hits the ground with a thud, and you look up at him for the first time, his clothes closer to his Grounder clothes than his Skaikru clothes. Still, you smile at him, happy to see your old friend before you step forward and grab him in a hug. Lincoln smiles and hugs you back, pulling away after a moment and looking down at Josephine’s body. “What have you gotten yourself into, my warrior with a heart?”

“Nothing good. Long story short, she wants me dead.”

“Yeah, well she’ll have to get through me.”

You smile at him before the two of you team lift Josephine and carry her to the corner of the room, chaining her up to the wall, in the same place Lincoln once held Octavia. The two of you wait around for a few minutes before she wakes up, her eyes pulling open and her face pulling into one of confusion. She tugs on the chain and it rattles, but her hand doesn’t move far, her movement limited. “What is this?”

You smile down at her. “You have no control here, because this is _my_ mindspace. Turns out, I can create whatever I want.”

She sneers at you, “Cute. But what’s your plan here, stall until I wake up? I’ll just try again night after night, and the more time I spend here, the faster you die. And let me tell you, that death ain’t fun or pretty. You can’t win, so why bother?”

You cross your arms, looking down at her, your expression serious. “To make sure you lose. As for me, I’ll find a way to survive. I always do.” 

“You’ve got spunk, I’ll give you that. If things were different, we could have been friends, but I’m bored now.”

And before you can even comprehend what’s happening, she reaches out and grabs a discarded knife that’s lying nearby, which she uses to slit her throat. You and Lincoln watch in alarm as the blood spills out of her neck, and you turn to him to ask what you should do, only to be transported out of the cave and back into the Ark. You’re facing the red door at the end of the hall, and you don’t wait for it to open this time before you take off running down the halls, and as you do, you can hear Josephine’s voice calling out to you, “I may not be able to create anything in your mindspace, but I can sure bring something in!”

You freeze in the hallway you’re running through, listening hard to hear what she’s brought in. Unfortunately for you, that what is actually a who, and that who is actually Russell. His voice simultaneously sends a chill down your spine _and_ pisses you off, still in disbelief that he’s the reason you’re even in this mess. “Let’s split up and stop playing games. You’re not a cat toying with a mouse. She’s dangerous, kill her.”

You take off running again, putting space between your killer and his daughter, praying to the Universe that you survive this night. As you run past a door, the lights flicker on, revealing the airlock that sent your dad out to space. Tears instantly spring to your eyes as the memory flashes in front of you, and you watch him fly out of the airlock again, relieving the experience. You stare at the door, knowing this is the path to your dark memories, and you debate on whether to head here or continue down the hall. But the loud thud of Russell’s nearby footsteps is enough to decide for you, and all you can do is hope that this dark path is enough to stop him.

You step towards the doors and they slide open, and this time you’re not blinded by light before sliding into a place from your memory. This time you’re blanketed in a thick darkness, which slowly grows lighter to reveal the field below Arkadia, a big pole erected in the center of the field. You already know what this is as you gaze at it, your eyes already searching the space for him.

_Finn._

He finds you first, his voice casually calling out to you, “Hey, la lune.”

You spin around to find Finn, his shirt stained with blood, smiling at you. You feel your emotions threaten to take you over, but you push them aside and call back, “Hey, Finn.”

He walks towards you, closing the space between you, looking you over. “You know, I told you to keep her safe.”

You know he means Clarke, so you nod. “I know, and I have.”

“Letting her bear it so you don’t have to? That’s not keeping her safe. And what about the City of Light and Praimfaya and the Battle for Eden?”

You shake your head at him, refusing to be bullied by another one of your subconscious projections. “No, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make me feel bad about Clarke’s reactions to the things she’s done. She needed to leave after Mount Weather, because she couldn’t stand to look at everyone and know what _we_ did. That’s not my fault. I have tried to help her bear it. I decided to take the Nightblood serum before she did and I got left behind with her during Praimfaya. I did everything I could to protect her while she was in the City of Light, including getting chipped myself. None of that was easy for me either, Finn, but I did it to help Clarke. I did it to try and keep her safe.”

He nods, accepting your answer, before he counters, “And what about giving Madi the Flame?”

You scoff, annoyed that another one of your projections is bringing this up. “Believe it or not, I did that for Clarke too. I didn’t do it because Bellamy told me to, and I didn’t do it because I value Clarke over Madi. I knew that people would follow Madi as their rightful Commander. I knew people would give their lives to keep her safe. But without a rightful Commander, I had no way to get to Clarke and free her, because even with Octavia in a coma, Wonkru still wanted to follow the wishes of their queen. I needed Madi to take the Flame so we’d have that Commander, but I was willing to do it myself if that is what it took to save Clarke. Even if it meant I’d be killed in the end, at least there would be enough of a distraction to get Clarke out. But Madi volunteered to do it to save both of us, and I agreed. Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed, maybe I should have fought her harder on it, but it’s done now. I made my choice knowing the effect it would have on my relationship with Clarke, but ultimately she forgave me. So it’s time for me to forgive myself.”

All around you, the trees start to go silent, nature’s warning to you and Finn that you’re in danger. Finn looks at you and warns, “He’s coming.”

You nod, and he slips into the shadows as Russell emerges from the trees, stalking right towards you with a glare. “Miss Griffin, I believe I told you no more fighting, and yet, here you are.”

He comes to a stop across from you, holding out his hand. “Now give me the memory.”

You cock your head to the side, sizing him up. “Seems this is a lesson that you and your sociopathic daughter need to learn: I’m nothing but fight.”

Russell sneers and lunges at you, but you sidestep his outstretched arms before swinging your elbow to his face and smashing his nose, breaking it. He reaches up to grab his nose, blood gushing between his fingers as he glares at you. You punch him across the face and then deliver a solid kick to his chest, sending him flying backwards, and as he peers up at you, you snap, “Make no mistake, the only reason you were able to kill me was because I was already sedated. Without that temporary paralytic, I would have ripped your throat out with my teeth.”

Russell tries to get up and attack you again, but Finn emerges from the shadows, punching the man and knocking him flat on his back. He tosses you a rope, and the two of you restrain Russell’s hands before dragging him over to the execution pole and restraining him there. Once he’s tied up, Russell struggles against the ropes, but fails to do anything other than waste his energy. You and Finn watch on before he holds out his hand and mutters, “Here.”

You look down at his outstretched palm, your eyes falling on the knife that Clarke used to kill him, his red blood still staining the blade. You look up and meet Finn’s eyes in surprise, and he nods to Russell before he snarls, “Jus drein jus daun.”

And it’s like the words remind you of what Russell did to you, because your anger starts to rise, and you take the knife from Finn’s hands with little hesitation. You walk over to Russell, who is still angry, though he’s looking at you with curiosity. “‘Jus drein jus daun’? What does it mean?”

“Blood must have blood.” And then you plunge the knife into his chest, killing him. When you turn to face Finn again, you watch him disappear into the Commander’s tent, leaving you behind. You run after him, calling out, “Wait!”

As you push through the flap to the tent, the darkness overloads your senses again before gradually getting lighter, revealing a new location. Your clothes have changed to ones you hoped to never see again, because the sight of them only means one thing: _you’re in the Skybox._

But as you look around the room, the one you know is the darkest part of your mind, holding your most painful memories, you get the sense that you are not alone. Because this cell, this solitary prison, it _reeks_ of Shumway. His mark is all over it, your darkest memories flashing as you turn and take in the room, visions of Shumway shoving you against the wall to kiss you and standing in the doorway and taunting you with your father’s death. You feel your anxiety and panic start to rise, bringing a fresh onslaught of tears with it, but you close your eyes and take a deep breath, reciting constellations under your breath until you start to calm down. 

Your calmness doesn’t last for long, because the door behind you swings open, causing the hairs to lift on your arms in alarm. You turn, expecting to see Shumway standing there with that sinister ass grin he always wore, but you are instead met with the sight of Josephine, her smirk just as taunting as Shumway’s used to be. Your stomach drops and you feel your confidence start to crack, which is the only reason she’s able to swing a punch at you and knock you to the side. You hit the ground with an echoing thud, and Josephine stalks across the room to your bed, reaching underneath it to grab the locked ammo box that is hidden there. You look up at her, weakly muttering, “Don’t.”

You’re unable to muster up much more than that, the heaviness of this room and these memories weighing on you. She tries her luck with the combination lock on the box, spinning the little dials before she tugs, the lock still and unmoving. Josephine grunts in frustration and drops the box onto the bed, plopping down beside it before looking around the room, taking it in. “This is the place you were avoiding?”

She shifts her gaze to you, shaking her head in confusion. “It’s not even that scary.”

You sit up, glaring at her as you snap back, “It is if you know what happened here.”

A memory of Shumway attacking you in this room flashes across your mind, and apparently Josephine is able to see it too, because her eyes go wide with surprise. The next time she shifts her gaze to you, it’s full of pity and you hate it. “I didn’t know.”

You counter, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Memory is funny, you know? The formative stuff like the traumas, the things we can’t move past, they live deep in the brain stem. These are the wounds we pay shrinks not to fix. These places control us, make us who we are. It’s actually connected to the lower brain function; breathing, reflexes.”

“Please just shut up.”

She shakes her head, looking at you in confusion, motioning to the room around you, “All of this is guilt for the things you’ve been through and the deaths you’ve caused, but I don’t get it. Why are you so torn up? Everything you did was to save your people. I’d do the same thing.”

You snort, “A ringing endorsement.”

“The thing I don’t get is why you don’t care about saving your people now.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Josephine?”

“Let’s say you could somehow fight me off and get your body back. What would that do to your friends and family? Do you think my father would just let me go? What you’re doing right now leads to the genocide of your people.”

“I just want to live. I want to see my family again.”

She cocks her head to the side, sizing you up. “Have you ever even once considered that the solution is to sacrifice yourself?”

You think of Maya’s words to you and the words from your father during the eclipse on Sanctum, reminding you that there is no doing better while you’re still around. Josephine can see you thinking of these memories, because she pushes on, “Your people are safe, Bellamy and Clarke made sure of it. I mean, they took your death hard, sure, but they knew the only thing a leader could do was to strike a deal for peace. Now it’s time for you to step up. Bow out gracefully, and your people get to live happily ever after.”

You shake your head, rising to your feet, calling out the bullshit of her words. “You’re lying. Bellamy and Clarke would _never_ make a deal like that.”

“The lack of trust hurts me, but that’s why I brought this.” She tries to hand you a book, one that’s been tucked at her side the entire time she was talking to you. You stare at it with apprehension, wondering if this is some ploy that ends with you dead. Only, for real this time. She shakes the book, urging you to take it. “Take it. It’s not a trick, I don’t play that way.”

You sigh and place your hand on the book, seeing a memory from Josephine’s point of view. She’s standing next to Russell, but she’s facing Bellamy and Clarke, both of them looking distraught. Russell has a small cut on his neck, and he’s panting slightly when he levels a look at your lover and your twin. “If you let us live, I can guarantee safety for the rest of your people. We’ll share everything we’ve learned about surviving on this moon.”

You watch Bellamy glance at Clarke, the two of them having a silent conversation before he answers Russell with anger, “We are not doing this for you, we’re doing it for her.”

The memory ends, and you’re suddenly back in your prison cell on the Ark, looking at Josephine, tears in your eyes. _They didn’t fight for me._ Josephine senses your emotional turmoil and tries to use it to her advantage, “It’s time for you to sacrifice for your people. Don’t start another war they’ll have to fight.”

Your mind runs through all the possibilities, weighing the options on whether you should fight or just give in. If you fight, you get back to Bellamy and Clarke and the rest of your family, _but at what cost to them?_ Because ultimately, you wanting to go back to them is purely for selfish reasons. It’s because _you_ want to see them again. But if you give up now, they get to live. They’ll be safe, have a place of their own. And maybe most importantly, _you’ll have peace._ You have already sacrificed so much to save your people and the ones you love, which is why ultimately you look up at Josephine and nod, resigned to your fate. “I need for them to be okay.”

“By my word, your people will be safe. Bellamy and Clarke are meeting with my father first thing in the morning to discuss building them a compound. They’ll have a new home, a new life. Madi can go to school just like any other kid, your friends can settle down. Everyone can stop fighting, including you.”

You feel tears rise to your eyes as you think of the peace that they’ll finally have, the peace you’ve all been fighting for since you landed on Earth. If making this one sacrifice gives them that, then you’ll do it, because they mean everything to you. You whisper, “Tell Bellamy I love him, Madi and Clarke too. Just…tell all of them.”

She nods, and once you have her confirmation, you cross the room over to her, reaching out for the box. You lift the lock, checking to see what incorrect combination she put in, and you see that the numbers are set to 0100. You shake your head, glancing over at her and muttering, “You forgot Bellamy and Raven.”

You change the last number, switching the numbers to 0102 before you tug down on the lock and unlock it. You step aside, allowing Josephine to remove the lock and open the lid to your darkest memories. She reaches inside, pulling out a tablet that has security footage from the Ark, the cameras aimed at the hallway around the airlock used to float people. The footage is edited together to show you sliding around the corner at the last second, just as your father is seen flying out to space, gone forever. You blink away your tears as she puts the tablet aside, reaching in to pull out Maya’s ipod, reminding you of both Jasper and Maya, and the role you played in their deaths. Next is the Grounder knife, which is stabbed through a picture, and Josephine looks at it in curiosity before pulling the picture off of the knife. It’s a photo of Gina, smiling and happy, wearing the clothes she will later be murdered in. You feel yourself choke up at the sight of it, unable to think of the sacrifice she made for you without getting upset.

Josephine pulls out Shumway’s ID badge, and she tosses it to the side, just as disgusted with the man as you are. She digs around in the ammo box, only two things left inside now. She pushes one to the side, a small angel statue that has been created from twisted metal, in favor of the tiny chip that plagued you and your people once Jaha returned from the City of Light. As soon as Josephine touches it, the memory of Raven’s EMP plays for her, which Josephine seems to find fascinating. She turns to you with a smile, musing, “An EMP. Cool.”

She sees your serious expression, one riddled with hidden emotions, and she drops the smile from her face, growing more somber. “It’ll be over soon. I promise.”

And then she rises from the bed and walks away, leaving the room and heading back to her side of your brain. As soon as you’re alone, all of the emotions you worked hard to keep hidden begin to bubble to the surface, all of your most painful memories spread out across the bed in your former cell. You collapse onto it, your tears finally falling, allowing yourself to cry for all of the awful things you’ve been through. But beyond that, you have a new memory to add to your locked box: the one you’re sitting in right now. Because this memory of you sitting on the bed, surrounded by the ghosts of your past, symbolizes what will soon be a reality for you: your death. 

Soon, it will truly be over, and you will be nothing but a memory to the people you love, locked up in their own ammo boxes, hidden deep within them and out of reach.

-

You don’t know how long you sit in your cell and cry, but eventually you pull yourself up and head back through your mindspace, determined to spend your last few hours of life doing something other than crying or fighting. You walk past the scene of Finn’s death, through Lincoln’s cave into Mount Weather, then back into Polis before emerging back inside the Ark. and then you follow the halls, past your shared room with Bellamy and the eerie red door to Josephine’s side, until you emerge back inside the church in Shallow Valley, eyes searching for your father. This time though, the building is empty.

You shrug off the hurt you feel and grab your favorite book from a nearby table, flipping it open to read the note scrawled on the first page. 

_My radiant moon,_

_I’m writing this letter to you to tell you that I love you._

_Right now, you’re asleep beside me, unbothered by the chaos of life that awaits us outside our door. When you sleep, you have a tendency to pull me closer to you, always reaching out for me anytime I shift or leave the bed. I don’t think you even know that you do it, but each time you do, I’m hit with the strength of your love. I’ve never had someone love me like this before._

_But, I feel the same for you. Looking down at you now, I want nothing more than to love and protect you for the rest of my life. I promise to always do that._

_I don’t know when you’ll find this, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe when we’re old and gray, surrounded by our kids and grandkids, watching our family gather together and spread the love that we share._

_All I know is that you are my love and my heart, and I am a better man because of you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I know that I’ve made mistakes, and that at times I don’t deserve the love that you give me, and when I feel that way, I’m going to work to earn it._

_For now, though, I have to go. The love of my life is reaching out for me, trying to pull me closer. I love you more than the stars, my radiant moon. You light up my life in ways I didn’t even know were possible._

_Forever yours,_

_Bellamy_

You smile as you finish reading, the words not making you sad like they did after Praimfaya. This time as you read them, all you feel is gratitude. Even though your life will soon be over, you’re grateful that you at least got to meet Bellamy. You got to meet him, then hate him, then fall in love with him. Even better than that, you got to be loved by him. Not many people get to experience the love that the two of you have for each other, but you did. And now, at the end of your life, you’re just so damn happy that you did.

You flip past the note and to the first page of the book, quietly reading to yourself and spending your last few hours at peace. 

You read for a few hours, the sun outside of your window rising slowly, reminding you of the passage of time, and when you’re about halfway through _The Iliad_ you hear a door open, letting you know someone else is here. You close the book and look up with a smile, calling out, “Dad?”

Except your eyes don’t land on your dad, they land on _Monty_. 

He looks the way he did when you all went into cryosleep, before he became an old man, and you jump up from your seat and put your book to the side, running across the room to pull him into your arms. He hugs you back, though not as enthusiastically, and as you start to wonder why, he mutters, “You call this doing better?”

You pull away from him and look at him in confusion as he adds, “Giving up isn’t better.”

“That’s not what I’m-” You cut yourself off when you see the look that he gives you, because technically, you are giving up. You just have a reason to, which is what you decide to tell him instead. “I’m doing this to save the others.”

“‘It’s all for my people’? Look. I’ve heard that from Clarke before, and it’s just an excuse.” You give him a hurt look, shaking your head, unsure what to say to him. Because maybe it is just an excuse. But maybe you just don’t care anymore. Monty must sense that, because he becomes more empathetic. “I get it, it’s been endless. But are you really gonna leave them?”

He motions to a picture tacked on the wall, one with Madi, Clarke, and Bellamy locking arms, all smiling. It’s not a memory, it’s just something nice that your brain created, but now Monty is using it against you. You think of Josephine’s warning, how you fighting back will be seen as an act of war, and your people will suffer for it. Which is why you counter with, “They’ll be better off without me.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“They have each other. Plus, Bellamy and Clarke already made a deal that keeps them all safe.”

Monty shakes his head, trying to get you to understand. “This is about being the good guys. Yeah, that deal means our side gets to live, but at what cost? You’re giving in to people who murder human beings to live forever.”

“You’re right, but it’s too late. I already gave in, and Josephine has the memory. As soon as she wakes up, she’ll know how to get me out of my head. _It’s over._ ”

“We’ll see about that.” Monty holds his hand out to you, waiting for you to take it, and you know the gesture means more than just trusting each other. If you agree to take Monty’s hand, you are agreeing to go back on your deal with Josephine, and to fight for your life. And the more you think about it, the more you want to fight. Isn’t that what you told Josephine, and Russell, and Kane, and countless others? You don’t go down without a fight, never have, and you let yourself be manipulated by Josephine, who could easily tell that you were struggling. And maybe it is selfish to do this all because you want to see your family again, but so what? Everyone needs something to fight for, and your family is your reason.

Which is why you take Monty’s hand, and allow him to lead you out of Shallow Valley and back onto the Ark. He leads you down the hall, towards the eerie red door, both of you coming to a stop right outside of it. You look at it with apprehension and mutter, “This is Josephine’s mindspace. She controls it.”

Monty jokes, “What’s she gonna do, kill you?”

You both exchange a smile before he nods towards the door, urging you to open it. You grab the knob and twist, pushing the door open, you and Monty temporarily blinded by the light before stepping into what appears to be the world’s largest library. You look at it in shock, staring at the shelves of books that extend further than your eyes can see. “Wow.”

“230 years of memories.” As soon as Monty says the words, you hear a distant explosion, the lights above you rattling. You look around in fear, before turning back to Monty with wide eyes. He surmises, “Good news is, we can affect her body here. Bad news is, Josephine seems to sense it. Come on, let’s find something we can use.”

The two of you split apart, taking different aisles so you can cover more ground at the same time. You can see Monty in the space between the shelves, and the two of you exchange a look every few seconds, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of books in the room. They’re all in chronological order, numbered and neatly organized, seemingly color coded according to which body the memories occurred in. You have to agree that Josephine’s mindspace is better organized than your own, but the vague appearance of each book means that finding anything useful in here is going to be a pain. Luckily for you, you don’t have to worry about that for long, because as you and Monty come to the end of your respective shelves, you find a large door, locked and labeled: Special Collection. Monty calls out, “Look, this must be where she keeps her primal wounds. This is her Skybox.”

You think back to Josephine’s earlier words to you, said to you as she sat with you in your own special collection. _These memories control us; they’re connected to lower brain function._ You look at Monty, suddenly getting an idea. “She said they create a physical response. We could control my body from there.”

He smiles at you, proud of your quick thinking, “On it!”

You wait anxiously at Monty’s side as he hacks into the security system that controls the door to Josephine’s darkest memories, and after a minute or two, the door beeps, and the light outside turns from red to green. Monty smiles, cheering himself on, “Yes!”

He pushes the door open and motions for you to step inside first, both of you temporarily blinded by the light until it begins to clear, revealing a small diner. There are people milling about inside, and lights hung up all over the place. You glance and Monty and mutter, “Earth before the bombs.”

Monty rushes forward to the counter, sliding a stack of newspapers to the side to reveal a magazine, which he holds up to show you. “Check it out.”

On the cover is Diyoza, looking identical to the Diyoza you met over 100 years later, the headline proudly proclaiming that she’s been caught. You shake your head, looking around at the cozy setting, wondering why Josephine gave you so much shit about your dark place not being scary when hers doesn’t seem scary at all. “Why would she keep this memory locked away?”

“More importantly, how do we get control from here?”

You look around, trying to figure out the answer to Monty’s question when your eyes land on a blonde girl sitting at a table nearby. It’s Josephine, dressed in a pretty pink outfit, sitting at a table with a friend. You nudge Monty and point at them, whispering, “Come on.”

The two of you slip over to the table behind the pair, watching as they write in notebooks in front of them, textbooks scattered all along the table. They’re quietly discussing their classes, the conversation largely boring until the bell over the door of the diner rings, signaling a new arrival. A young man walks inside, searching the diner until his eyes land on Josephine, and he makes a beeline for her, coming to a stop beside her table awkwardly. “Hey.”

She looks up at him, before her eyes shift to her friend, both of them having a silent conversation. The guy seems oblivious to the fact that neither of them seem to want him there, and he plops down in the empty chair across from Josephine. “I was looking for you at the water rationing protest, thought you posted something about going.” 

“Too many people, you know.”

Her friend adds, “And it’s really dusty outside.”

“Yeah, sure.” He seems to take a second to regroup, before settling a smile on his face, directed at Josephine. “Uh, I asked, and there’s plenty of room at the comparative linguistics thing if you want to go.”

She twirls some of her hair between her fingers, the motion clearly something she does without really realizing, as you’ve seen her do it a few times before. “I don’t know. I’m not really feeling that social lately.”

Josephine looks down, back at whatever she’s working on, and the guy finally seems to catch onto her rejection. “You still think you’re too good for me, huh?”

She looks up in alarm, shaking her head, “That’s not what I-”

He cuts her off, sounding more pissed off with each passing second. “Don’t lie, just admit it. Stop toying with me and just admit what you are.”

Josephine stutters, “I, I don’t-”

“I mean, I tried. Calls, texts, you know, being thoughtful. What do I get? Nothing.” He follows his nothing up by reaching into his pocket and pulling out a gun, plopping it down on the table so Josephine and her friend can see, but the other patrons in the diner do not. You and Monty share a look of alarm, and you’re finally starting to understand why she might have hidden this away. Josephine and her friend both look panicked, but Josephine sits silently as her friend shakily asks, “What are you doing?”

“Thinking you should shut the hell up.” The friend snaps her mouth closed, obliging his demand, and he turns his gaze back to Josephine. “Message received, you stuck up bitch. You don’t want to see me, but you can see this.”

And before anyone can say anything, he lifts the gun to his temple and pulls the trigger, killing himself and sending blood flying all over both girls. People in the diner cry out at the sound of the gunshot, and they all take off running, but Josephine and her friend stay frozen in place, shocked into stillness. You turn to Monty, your adrenaline pumping a little because of what you just witnessed, and you whisper, “This is the thing she couldn’t face.”

“We need to use it to control your body.” You nod in agreement and he looks around the room for a second before he mutters, “I have an idea.”

Before you can ask what it is, the lights in the diner start to flicker as an alarm starts to blare, “Alert. Incoming bombshells. Take cover immediately.”

You look at Monty in fear and whisper, “Quick, hide.”

He does as you say, quickly jumping up and running towards the bar, ducking behind it as you stand from your chair. The door to the diner swings open, and Josephine comes stalking in, dressed the same as the version of her that’s sitting in a chair behind you, covered in blood. This Josephine, however, is clean, but she is _pissed_. She takes one look at you and screams, “You never should have come here! _Get out!_ ”

Her words echo in your ears, the force of them sending you back to your side of the divide. As you look at the red door in shock, it suddenly flies open and Josephine dives out, knocking you both to the ground before she moves to straddle you, her hands flying to your neck. She squeezes hard, spots already dancing along the edges of your vision as she grunts, “I gave you the chance to go quietly. I said I’d help your people. Deal’s off!”

And just when you think it’s the end for you, she’s gone, her body disappearing off of you in the blink of an eye. You roll over and cough, struggling to take in the air she nearly stole from you, and as soon as you catch your breath, you stare at the red door, now closed. You’re hit with a realization as you try to comprehend her speedy exit, one that can be the only answer as to why she wouldn’t finish the job. “She’s awake.”

You stand staring at the door for a long minute, trying to figure out what to do. Now that Josephine knows you’re fighting back, you _have_ to keep going and you have to _win_. Otherwise she’ll kill everyone that you love just because she can, and those she doesn’t kill she’ll cast out, leaving them to struggle to survive on this complicated ass moon. 

Monty’s last words to you before Josephine’s arrival were that he had a plan. And considering the fact that he’s still in her darkest memory, that means that _you_ are still inside her darkest memory, since he is a subconscious projection of you. That’s why you reach out for the doorknob again and push your way inside, arriving inside of Josephine’s neatly organized library. You run past the shelves and head to the door, worried when you see that the light on the door is red again, and you have no idea on how you can hack it like Monty did. You decide to take a risk and knock on the door, whispering, “Monty, are you there? It’s me.”

The door pulls open and a hand grabs you and tugs you inside. You start to worry that it’s Josephine, fully prepared to send you back to your side again, but you’re relieved to see that it’s actually Monty, standing in front of you and holding up a pen and small paper pad. “Morse Code.”

“What?”

“We’ll use the lights to send a message with Morse Code.”

You shake your head, growing panicked again. “I don’t know Morse Code.”

“Yes you do, you learned it when Clarke did. The memory’s boxed up, shoved to the side in favor of more useful skills, but since we’re inside of your memory, it’s much easier to find the box. In fact,” he uncaps the pen and writes quickly for a second before passing the notepad to you. “I already did.”

The notepad has a message, one word, simple, formed with dots and dashes. The message, scribbled on a waitress’s notepad in a memory that does not belong to you, gives you more hope than any other message has ever given you before. You rush over to one of the abandoned tables in the diner, tugging down one of the strands of lights so that you can easily reach it. And then you plop down into the chair across from Monty, twisting the light to turn it on and off, signaling out the code that Monty wrote out for you. 

●— A

●—●● L

●● I

●●●— V

● E

-

Clarke freezes as the door to the palace opens and her twin walks in. Except, it’s not her twin. 

It’s your body, but you are no longer inside. 

She knows she should be listening to whatever the hell Russell is saying, but she can’t bring herself to focus, her eyes still locked on you. Josephine doesn’t seem to notice though, she just stands near the back of the room, waiting patiently to talk to her dad. Though, maybe it’s more like waiting impatiently, because she’s tapping her arm while she waits. At first, Clarke doesn’t find anything odd about that, until her eyes notice that the tapping is occurring in a pattern, and the pattern is repeating in a loop. 

Josephine clears her throat, asking for the attention of the others in the room, and Clarke uses the temporary distraction to nudge Bellamy. He looks over at her in confusion, and she nods her head to Josephine, silently communicating what she’s seeing. Bellamy follows her gaze over to the former body of his fiance, catching onto the same strange pattern being tapped out. But Bellamy recognizes it for what it is first, and he flips a page in his notebook before he begins to write quickly, marking out the dots and dashes in the order they appear in.

Russell demands his attention again, and Bellamy manages to keep it together just long enough to end the meeting and get Clarke and Miller outside. He already knows what the symbols mean, easily able to translate the code in his head, and he’s practically bouncing with excitement. Clarke nearly breaks his hand when they get outside of the room, when she grabs it tight so she can drag him away into a private corner. “What does it say?”

Bellamy writes the letters next to their corresponding symbols, translating the message out for the remaining Griffin twin. He turns the notepad around so she can read it, the word leaving her mouth in a breathy whisper. “Alive.”

She looks up at Bellamy in disbelief. “She’s alive?”

“Looks like it.” Both of their faces split into wide grins, this information the happiest news they’ve ever heard. Miller is still struggling to understand, his gaze flitting between the pair in confusion. “What does it mean?”

Clarke turns to him, her expression getting serious as she realizes what they have to do now. “It means my la lune is alive, and we’re gonna get her back.”

-


	3. iii. but can you save a dying sun?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fighting, violence, death, anxiety, mentions of nausea/puking, language.
> 
> Summary: a battle for your body and a battle for Sanctum results in shocking causalities, both battles ending in a way you could have never guessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is!!! part 3 is here, this au is finished!!! this marks the end of the sub rosa universe (for now), and I have a lot of feelings about that. mostly I am just grateful to all of you, and I hope you’ll stick around to read my next series/other new works!
> 
> p.s. sorry for the late in the day upload today, life has been crazy and the day got away from me!!!

You only catch bits and pieces of what’s happening outside of your body, but as the barrier between your mind and Josephine’s continues to break down further, you’re able to hear more and more of the outside world. In between catching information from outside of your body, you keep yourself inside Josephine’s side of the mindspace. You know that it’s only going to break down your minds faster, but you’re desperate for information you can use against her later, so you use your downtime to scour through her memories in search of something useful. By the end of your research, the only thing you know for sure is that Josephine is awful, and she doesn’t deserve your body, let alone to resurrect again.

You can tell a few hours have passed since your initial Morse Code attempt, and you weren’t sure at first if it worked. 

That is, until you heard Josephine begging someone to kick you out of your own head. There’s not much you can do other than wait around and hope that someone is trying to save your life, and you finally get that confirmation later on when you catch onto the tailend of a conversation between Josephine, Clarke, and Bellamy. You’ve gathered enough bits and pieces to know that all four of you are currently being held captive by the Children of Gabriel, and the other three are using the time to ‘bond’, if you can actually call it that. Josephine is moaning about the tragedy of her relationship with Gabriel, and you push the stack of memory books out of your lap and to the side, running from the memory space and into the hidden diner. 

You ignore the patrons and head straight for the Christmas lights again, tugging them down and calling out, “Monty!”

He runs into the diner, looking at you in alarm. “What is it?”

“Morse Code, I need your help. How do you say boohoo?”

His nose scrunches as he looks at you in confusion, “Boohoo?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter why, just please tell me what it is!”

He shrugs and grabs the paper and pen you’re holding out to him, thinking for a second before he quickly writes out the message. When he passes it to you, you give him a smile of thanks, listening as Josephine mutters, “I’ve been in love with Gabriel for 236 years, the last 70 of which he’s been trying to kill me. You know, _relationships_.”

You start working on your light, signaling out the code Monty gave you.

—●●● B

— — — O

— — — O

●●●● H

— — — O

— — — O

You can hear Josephine translating the letters for Clarke and Bellamy, before she ends the quip with, “That’s harsh.”

You can catch glimpses of your twin’s broken voice questioning the woman who stole your body, hope entwined with her words. “She can hear us?”

“It would seem so. Which means the wall separating our minds is almost gone.” You look around you, at the diner in Josephine’s mind, realizing that parts of it are already starting to fade. Panicked, you run out of the room and back to your side, slamming the red door behind you as you go. “When that happens, she’ll stroke out, I’ll download, and you can say goodbye to your genocidal fiance and sister.”

You can hear Bellamy’s voice next, thick with emotion. “Let me talk to her.”

“I’d have to give over control for that, so no.”

“But she can hear me?”

“Yes, she can hear you. For God’s sake, just say what you want to say.” Josephine sighs, seeming to sense that Bellamy has something he wants to say to you. You stand waiting and listening, eager to hear his message to you. 

His message hits you harder than anything he’s ever said to you before this, his voice so broken and mixed with hope when he answers, “I won’t let you die.”

Tears instantly spring to your eyes, and you collapse to the floor of the Ark, letting the tears fall down your face as you process Bellamy’s message to you. _I won’t let you die._ You know he means it, and you know that your odds of survival are good with both him and Clarke on your side, both of them desperate to save your life. The moment fills you with hope, and you sit crying alone in the Ark, waiting for your family to save you.

-

Everything seems fine until it’s not.

You can tell that something has changed, sensing the stress within your own body, accompanied by the overlapping din of voices above you. You can’t make out any of the words, but you don’t have to wonder for long, because as you sit in the hall of the Ark, Josephine suddenly bursts through her red door and heads straight to you. She looks panicked, her eyes wide, and you pull yourself to your feet quickly as you sense the incoming danger. “What? What is it?”

“They’re about to chop our head off! I need you to take control so we can live.”

You don’t have time to answer her, because she turns to her right and types in a code for a locked door, before grabbing your arm and shoving you through. As usual, you are blinded by a flash of white light and then your eyes open and clear, locked on a gray stone wall. Your heart rate picks up when you realize that you’re back in control of your own body, but you’re also dangerously close to losing your life. Your head is being pressed into a stone, and your hands are being held behind your back, and as everything comes into focus, you hear someone say, “The answer is death to Primes.”

You sense movement to your right, and you call out, “Wait!”

You can tell that the person to your right, the one who intends to cut off your head, freezes, and you work on buying yourself some time. “Gabriel loves her, is this what he would want?”

Your words seem to be the wrong ones, because the man yells out, “Don’t you use his name!”

And then you sense his movement again. This time, though, you’re ready for it. As he lifts the sword and swings it around to cut off your head, you kick out at the man holding you in place. Your foot connects with the space by his knee, and you can tell that his leg is broken by the sound alone. He releases you, giving you just enough space to avoid the sword that is coming towards you, which clangs against the rock instead. The man looks down in shock, and you use that to your advantage, grabbing his arm and his other shoulder and pulling him down, smashing his head into the rock. 

You grab his fallen sword and turn and swing at the man with the broken leg, cutting his throat, and as you look up you see a final person coming towards you. The woman moves towards you and you stalk over to her, swinging the sword out and cutting her neck before she can even comprehend your movements. She hits the ground and you stand in place for a second, panting, trying to catch your breath, brought back to reality by your fiance calling your name. 

You look up and meet his eyes, his expression so hopeful, and Clarke watches on, equally as full of hope. You drop the sword and run across the room, grabbing his face with both hands and pulling him into a kiss. You pull away, both of you with tears in your eyes, before you step over to your twin and pull her into a hug, the two of you laugh crying with relief. You only pull away when you hear the sound of approaching voices, and you spin back towards the man who was going to kill you, grabbing the set of keys off of his belt before running back to your fiance and twin.

You quickly try to uncuff them both, but your hands are shaking and anxiety is pulsing through you as the voices grow closer. Bellamy and Clarke are both watching you closely, and Bellamy puts his hand over yours to still your movements. “We don’t have time, you have to run!”

You look up at him in alarm, shaking your head sharply. “No! I’m not leaving either of you.”

Clarke reaches out for you, her hand grabbing your wrist, encouraging you to look at her. “Bellamy’s right, there’s no time. Go find Gabriel.”

You look between then both, panicked, but the approaching voices only grow closer, signalling your ticking clock. And you hate that you know they’re right, and you hate the idea of leaving them both, but you know all of your odds are better if you do. Which is why you give them both one last look, the voices just around the corner now, before Bellamy panics and pushes you away, “Go!”

You leave the keys in his hand and you take off running, pushing hard to outrun the voices that seem right at your back. You tear through the woods, leaves and branches smacking you as you go, but you ignore them, trying to put as much distance between you and the Children of Gabriel as you can. You can hear them closing in on you, led by the man that nearly killed you, and you pause and duck behind a tree, trying to catch your breath. You start to run numbers in your head, wondering how many you can reasonably take out before they take you out, and just when you deduce that there are too many of them and not enough of you, you hear the roar of a motorcycle, signaling Sanctum’s arrival. 

You look up, watching as the bikes weave between the trees, and you take off running again, choosing the lesser of two evils, heading straight for the riders. As you move, you scream at the top of your lungs, “Here! I’m here!”

The Sanctum riders fly towards you, pulling up to a stop and grabbing their guns, aiming at the group of people right behind you. As you grow closer to the Sanctum riders, the Children of Gabriel grow closer to you, this game of cat and mouse getting a little too close for your liking. When you’re within a few feet of the riders, Jade, Josephine’s guard, yells out, “Down! Get down!”

You drop to the ground without hesitation, covering your head with your hands, hearing bullets whiz by over head. Someone drops to the ground behind you, landing on your legs, but you don’t dare to move until you hear the shooting stop. Finally it does, and you hear Jade shout orders to the others, “I’ve got her, you get the rest!”

You hear three motorcycles drive off, leaving you alone with Jade, and you almost shake your head at how perfect this is starting to play out for you. Because when Jade grabs you and helps you to your feet, you lift a large rock and bring it with you, turning and knocking her out before you’ve even stood to your full height. As you drop the rock, you nearly jump out of your skin when a voice behind you mutters, “Really? She just saved your life.”

You spin around quickly, locking eyes with Josephine, who is standing feet from you, a look of disappointment on her face. But you ignore that and focus on the fact that she is standing right in front of you, outside of the mindspace. “Why can I see you?”

“Because it’s getting worse, like I said it would. Look, what you did back there was awesome, but don’t let it be for nothing. Give me back control.”

You ignore her, knowing damn well that you have no intention of giving your body back to her. Because it is _your_ body. And despite the panic that courses through you as you realize that you are likely nearing the last few hours of your life, you turn away from Josephine and grab the radio off of Jade’s side. Josephine mutters under her breath, “I’ll just get it anyway when you fall asleep.”

But when she sees the radio in your hand, she looks at you in confusion. “What are you doing now?”

You continue to ignore her and lift the radio in your hand, remembering one of Josephine’s memories that you discovered earlier in the evening. _Josephine sits in front of her father, anxiously twirling her hair. Russell cuts her a look, but lets the habit slide as he delivers the news. “Spies from Sanctum discovered a camp, just on the verge of the anomaly. There’s a sculpture of radios, which they suspect is how the COGs get messages to Gabriel.”_ You press the button of the radio and keep your eyes locked on Josephine as you say your name and add, “Gabriel, you don’t know me, but I need your help. Josephine Lightbourne is in my head. If you can hear this, we’re coming to you.”

You stalk past her and head back to the bike, and she follows you the entire time, pleading to your back. “This is insane. He didn’t respond to their call, he’s probably dead. Please, let’s just go back to Sanctum.”

You grab Jade’s discarded helmet and lift the motorcycle, as Josephine crosses her arms and glares at you. “I’ll drive. But for that, you do have to give me back control.”

You swing your leg over the bike as she protests, “You don’t know how to-”

You cut her off by starting the bike and revving the engine, another useful memory you have stolen from Josephine’s head. Her glare gets angrier as she watches you, “What else of mine have you stolen?”

You smirk and answer her in Mandarin, “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

And then you pull the helmet onto your head, and drive off, leaving her behind in a cloud of dust.

-

You drive for a while before crashing, thanks to Josephine, destroying your radio in the process. Lucky for you, Josephine knows a place for you to hide, leading you to a bunch of old research outposts nearby. Unlucky for you, you have a seizure almost as soon as you climb down into the outpost, your brain struggling to keep up with the data from two minds.

You have never been more disappointed to wake up in your mindspace, though you’re not sure if that’s because of the small taste of control that you got to experience, or the fact that your mind is clearly in disarray. You wake up in your room, surrounded by memories stashed inside of books, but none of them are yours. And as you wander into the hallway, you see that it’s much worse than that. Books are stacked on nearly every available inch of flooring that you can see, and projections from Josephine’s memories wander the halls in various emotional states. Some are angry, some are sad, some are distressed, but all of them are a problem. 

You find Josephine not long after wandering from your room, catching as she walks past you absentmindedly. With the two of you reunited, you briefly consider killing her and ending all of this once and for all, but her response makes you pause. She glares at you, just as annoyed at this entire situation as you are, before she bites back your earlier words to her, “Go float yourself.”

The words give you an idea, a way to save the two of you from your approaching destruction, and you and Josephine run around frantically, trying to float her memories to hold off the impending demise of your brain. You only do a few at first, allowing her to pick the memories that she wants to lose, but soon that has to be abandoned in favor of an all out destruction of property. You rig up the outer doors to vent everything in ten seconds, Josephine’s memories now heavily integrated into your own at this point, both of you well past the point of no return.

You and Josephine head back to your room, into the place you shared with Bellamy, the only room safe from the venting into space that is occurring outside your door. You know it works when Josephine disappears, leaving you alone in your mindspace again. You start to panic, wondering if this is it for you, if Josephine really will make it out of here with control of your body, leaving you to truly die. Just as you really start to spiral into a panic, you catch a pair of voices outside, one familiar, one not. 

Josephine refers to the unfamiliar voice as Gabriel, and you almost cry in relief when you realize that somehow he found you after all. He’s not dead, and he’s here to get his ex lover out of your head. Josephine confirms the familiar voice seconds later when she greets Blodreina, and you smile at the fact that somehow Octavia is alive and she’s here to help you. 

Of course, chaos reigns supreme on this damn moon that you hate so much, because as soon as the four of you exit the research outpost, Josephine calls out for the Sanctum guards nearby, begging to be taken back to Sanctum. Gabriel argues and says that Josephine’s body, your body, is on the brink of death, and he has to save you now, because neither of you will make it back there. But of course, the guards don’t care, and just when Gabriel and Octavia are on the brink of death, they are saved by Bellamy and Clarke, a turn of events that leaves you incredibly thankful to have them in your life. 

Unfortunately, Gabriel’s prediction about your impending death is correct, because Josephine collapses, your legs going numb and giving out beneath her, and Gabriel catches her and whisks her away back to his camp. Clarke, Octavia, and Bellamy follow, and before you know it, you can hear the steady beeping of a heart rate monitor, along with the increasingly clear voices outside of your head. Josephine makes a last ditch plea to save herself and wipe you instead, but thankfully Gabriel ignores her and stops your heart. 

They quickly work to remove the mind drive in your head and then restart your heart again, which should put you back in control. You see the door to Josephine’s side crack and explode, the wall now turning into just another wall of the Ark. You wait patiently, knowing that means that the mind drive is gone, but instead of waking back up in the real world, you remain trapped in your own head. You look around in confusion, wondering why your heart is still stopped, and why you’re still staring at the walls of the Ark. “Wait. Why am I still here?”

“Because I’m still here.” You turn around in confusion, now facing Josephine, and you have a split second to register the axe in her hand before she swings it towards you, cutting your neck. You reach up and grab your wound, light shining between your fingers, as you shake and gasp and watch the enemy in your head. She drops the axe and it tumbles and lands near your side as she mutters, “Sanctum is mine.”

She looks down at your struggling form with a smirk. “I used the surgical mesh. I’m sorry about the whole working together thing, but I know you, Wanlida. If you came back, you’d kill everyone inside Sanctum. It’s what you do.”

You struggle to focus on her words as you realize that your version of bleeding out in your mindspace is visually a lot different than bleeding out in the real world. But the pain and the struggle and the suffering, those are all just as real as the world outside of your head. Josephine kneels down across from you, still smirking, watching as you quickly die. She only turns away when another voice outside of your body, Gabriel’s, tells the others, “I’m sorry, but her brain can no longer support two minds.”

You can hear a counter protest, though your mind struggles to decipher the words, only able to unilaterally focus on the pain radiating out from your neck. And as you sit there dying, you can’t help but think about how cruel this is. You survived your initial attempted murder, only for this to be the way you go out? In your own head, and watched on by your body snatcher, no less. But as the seconds pass by and you wait for your death, you realize that at least one person is unwilling to let you go. Clarke’s voice reaches you from outside of your mindspace, calling your name, her voice broken and hurting and desperate. “I can’t lose you again, la lune! I need you. Bellamy needs you. Madi needs you. Mom needs you. Now wake up!”

You listen to your twin’s broken cries, quickly replaced by the broken cries from the love of your life as he begs you to fight for your life. “I should have fought harder for you. I should have burned Sanctum to the ground and killed everyone that got in my way, but I’m fighting for you now, god damn it! You’re a fighter. Now wake up and fight!”

And as soon as he says it, you know he’s right. You told Josephine yourself that you don’t go down without a fight, and you meant it. You’re not dead yet and you’re not going to let her win. Josephine seems to listen on with mild amusement, surely plotting the dramatic return she wants to make as soon as you officially die, but unfortunately for her, it’s not a return she gets to make. Because you eye the abandoned axe, discarded and sitting right next to you, and you pull one of your hands away from your light bleeding neck and reach for it. The blade scrapes against the floor as you lift it, drawing Josephine’s attention towards you, and this time she’s the one who has a split second to process the current events before you throw the axe right at her center mass, shattering her projection into a million pieces.

And as soon as you do, it’s like a switch flips, because you take in a large, wheezing breath, pulling your eyes open in alarm, feeling nothing but panic. But there are two sets of hands caressing your face, two voices soothing you as you struggle to catch your breath, two familiar faces watching you closely as they look between you. Clarke is the closest to you, and she tentatively whispers your name, searching for any sign that you are really you. And you respond in the only way you think you can by sitting up and pulling her into your arms, holding her tighter than you’ve ever held her before. She’s crying, you’re crying, the Blake’s are crying, and even Gabriel is crying, though for different reasons. 

Clarke releases you so Bellamy can grab you, tugging your face towards him and pressing the most loving kiss to your lips, his mouth telling you everything he wants to say to you in the moment. You kiss him back just as hard, incredibly thankful that you won over Josephine, gaining back control of your body once and for all. And though your heart goes out to Gabriel, you can’t help but be thankful that Josephine is forever gone.

-

In true ‘chaos of Sanctum’ fashion, it turns out that everyone else that you know and love has been left behind in Sanctum and are now likely in danger. And it turns out that Bellamy’s plan to save everyone was to use Josephine’s mind drive to bargain with Russell, using the life of Josephine for the lives of your people. And it turns out that the very same mind drive that was meant to save your people is now empty, because you vented all of Josephine’s memories, and she jumped ship in order to kill you and take your body instead. _Too bad for her that you came out on top._

You make the suggestion of going back to Sanctum as Josephine and freeing your people yourself, but you are swiftly shot down by both Clarke and Bellamy. Which sends all of you back to the drawing board, brainstorming ways to save everyone and inflict minimal casualties. That drawing board, however, is taken over by Gabriel’s Children, who all seem a little too eager to kill all of you, with you and Gabriel at the top of their lists. Thanks to some split second decision making on Bellamy’s part, he figures out a plan that gets everyone what they want: you save your people, the Children of Gabriel get to kill Primes, Gabriel gets to save the rest of his people inside Sanctum. Bellamy’s plan, however, gets him and Octavia sent on a supply gathering mission, leaving you, Gabriel, and Clarke behind. 

During which time, you propose to change the plan, a little uneager to release a bomb that will get innocent people killed, this new genocide reminding you a little too much of Mount Weather. And Clarke disagrees at first, uneager to see you march right back to the devil’s side without any back up. But it’s easy for you to convince her, because she’s your twin, your other half, and _she gets it_. She may hate every second of it, but she understands completely the fears you posses about having to carry the weight of another genocide within you. More than that, she trusts you. She knows that you can get the job done and come out of the other side unharmed, which is why ultimately, she agrees.

Once the Blake siblings return, Gabriel breaks the news to them about the change of plans. Octavia doesn’t seem to understand why this is a big deal at first, but Bellamy catches on right away. He turns to you with a glare, shaking his head sharply. “No. No way.”

You look at him with pleading eyes, trying to get him to understand why this plan has to happen. “Bellamy, it’s the only way.”

“It’s not the only way, because we’ll use the bomb as planned. Risking your life when we don’t have to is just-”

You cut him off, finishing his sentence, “Is how we do better. Bellamy, I know you’re worried about losing me again, and trust me, I’m terrified to go back there and do this, but I have to. This is how we save lives, and prevent innocent ones from being taken. I know you, and I know you care about that too. If I go in as Josephine and shut down the shield, then Gabriel only needs to use enough red sun toxin to trigger the alarms and kill a few bugs. All of those people, innocent people, will be safe.”

He sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face in frustration, before turning away from you to look at your twin. “You’re okay with this?”

“Not really. But it’s how we do better.”

You can tell he’s starting to reluctantly come around, and he turns back to you, his expression serious. “If you fail, if Russell figures out that his daughter is dead, then all of our people are dead too.”

“I won’t fail.”

He gives you a look, but he takes note of your conviction, and you know that he believes in you. And just like Clarke, he gives you his blessing, though you can tell that he hates doing it. You all turn to look at Octavia, who’s been quiet during the entire exchange. She looks at you for a long second and then nods, “If we can spare innocent lives, we should.”

You smile at her, nodding in thanks as she agrees with you instantly, and with everyone on the same page again, Gabriel goes back to building the smaller bomb. This time though, he is interrupted by the whine of motorcycle engines nearby. You all look up and at each other in shock, knowing what that means.

_Sanctum riders._

Layla and a few other Children of Gabriel storm into the tent, tying all of you up and then gagging you. They spread you out across the room, with you and Bellamy beside each other, Clarke across from you, Octavia to your left and Gabriel to your right. You’re only in there for a few minutes, listening to the fighting outside when you hear a strange scratching sound from the back of the tent. You turn that way, eyes watching as a blade sticks through the material of the tent, dragging down to the bottom, creating a slit in the fabric. You all tense up, unsure who’s about to come inside, surprised when it’s Murphy’s head that pokes through. He steps inside, followed by Jade, a gun in her hand. At the sight of them, you recognize this for what it is: _a rescue mission._ You know they’re here for you, _well at least they’re here for your body,_ and you tense up as you watch Murphy and Jade slip inside.

Murphy steps into the middle of the tent, while Jade sneaks around the back, ducked behind the debris and mess, and once she’s in position, Murphy calls out to Layla, “Hey there.”

Layla spins around quickly, instantly lifting her gun and aiming it at Murphy, but Jade sneaks up behind her a second later and hits her with her rifle, knocking Layla out. Jade grabs Layla’s dropped weapon as she walks past, moving carefully before dropping down in front of you. “Josephine?”

You shift your eyes to Clarke, who gives you a subtle nod of her head, and you know you can’t risk looking at Bellamy given his close proximity to you. But you can sense him tensing up, and though you know that he doesn’t want you to leave, he’d agree to it too. Which is why you meet Jade’s eyes and nod your head. Jade puts the guns down and pulls the gag out of your mouth, and you make sure to raise the octave of your voice slightly, trying to perfectly capture Josephine’s tone of voice. “Well done, Jade.”

Jade pulls out a knife to cut through the restraints wrapped around your wrists and ankles, and you shift your gaze to Murphy, smirking, “You just can’t pick a side, can you, John?”

“The only reason I’m doing this is because Emori dies if I don’t.” Murphy turns to look at Bellamy, voice dropping a little. “The others are in trouble too. I promise I’ll do what I can for them.”

Jade stands and helps you to your feet, looking between you and Murphy. “Give us two seconds to make sure it’s clear, then follow.”

Just then, Layla starts to shift, and Jade grabs and lifts her gun, prepared to kill her. You feel a rush of alarm, and despite the threats she’s hurled at you since showing up a few hours ago, you don’t want to watch her die. You reach out and put your hand on the barrel, pushing the gun down to lower it, your tone commanding and angry. “No, this one’s mine.”

You grab the discarded pistol from the table and aim it at Layla, glancing over your shoulder to look at Jade, who seems content to let you handle this. “Go, make sure it’s clear.”

She nods and immediately turns to slip out of the tent, but Murphy stays put, his eyes locked on you suspiciously. “Is she really gone this time?”

“Yes. Boohoo.” You smirk at him, taunting him, using your earlier quip to Josephine and throwing it at Murphy this time. You can see a flash of anger cross his features, but you speak up before he can channel it, reminding him of the danger you’re in, waving the gun slightly. “Now, as soon as I pull this trigger, your little decoy trick will fail. You better run.”

He gives you one last look before he jogs to the cut in the tent and heads outside, and you wait for a full minute before turning back to Layla. She looks up at you with fear, clearly expecting you to kill her, but you surprise her by turning the gun away and then firing a single shot into the floor, keeping her safe. And then you set the gun down and run over to Bellamy, pulling the gag out of his mouth and giving him an earnest look. “I can do this, Bellamy.”

“I know you can. Go get that shield down, and we’ll bring the cavalry.”

You nod and smile, “I love you.”

“I love you more than the stars.” And with that you pull his face to yours and kiss him hard, reminding him of just how much he means to you. You turn and head to the door, stopping in front of Clarke along the way. You pull the gag from her mouth and she whispers, “I believe in you, la lune. Be safe.”

“You too, shining star.”

You give her a quick hug before you stand and look over at everyone one last time before you slip out of the tent and into the cool night air. You look around, eyes searching the woods nearby for any sign of Jade or Murphy, when someone flashes a light at you, signaling their location. You head that way, finding Jade and Murphy waiting for you, and they quickly lead you through the woods and to a pair of bikes hidden underneath a pile of leaves. Jade passes you a helmet before getting the bike upright, and then she waits for you to hop on, expecting you to drive yourself back. You move to straddle the bike, hoping you remember enough to get by as Jade readies the other bike for her and Murphy. And then on her signal, you both fire them up and drive away, heading back towards Sanctum. 

You do pretty well on the ride back, and you arrive at the shield of Sanctum proud of yourself, though you can’t show it. As soon as you hop off the bike, it and your helmet are taken by a nearby guard, and the shield is quickly brought down so all of you can enter inside. You are accompanied by no less than 10 guards, all of whom seem wound tight and on edge. And though you feel the exact same with each step that brings you closer to Sanctum, you keep it hidden beneath a casual air of confident arrogance. 

As soon as you crest the hill that leads to your first view of the palace, you are met with another group of guards, all standing around Russell. When you catch sight of him, you’re sure you’re going to throw up, but you suppress the sensation and look away, pretending to take in the sights of Sanctum. And as a last ditch effort, you reach up and casually twirl your hair between your fingers in the way you’ve seen Josephine do in the hundreds of memories that you watched. With a small deep breath to steady yourself, you turn and meet Russell’s eyes, which are watching you closely. You smile and quip, “What? No hug?”

“Josephine.” His face breaks into the widest grin when he hears that his daughter is alive, and you’d almost feel bad for him if not for the fact that he’s an evil body snatching asshole. Still, he takes you up on your offer and steps towards you, pulling you in for one of the tightest hugs you’ve ever experienced. You’re a little caught off guard by his fervor, but even more caught off by the question he mutters near your ear. “How is this possible?” 

He pulls away and you smirk, “It’s a long story. Suffice to say, I’m awesome.”

But then you think of the lack of the mind drive in your head and you know that the second he realizes you’re not Josephine you’re dead, so you lie and say, “What I’m not, however, is immortal. Gabriel took out my drive.”

Russell’s face falls, but he nods and turns to a pair of guards behind him, motioning to Murphy. “Take him to Emori, and clear the doctor and the rest of their people from the lab.”

Your brows pull together at the mention of your mom and the others in the lab, and the mention of your own mother makes you realize there is another mother missing. You glance around for her and then shift your gaze to Russell. “Where’s Mom?”

He lifts his hand, uncurling his fingers to reveal a mind drive, still stained with Nightblood. You do your best to look worried, though you could honestly care less that Simone got what she deserved. “There was an incident, but it’s okay. I was just on my way to resurrect her, but that can wait.”

You shake your head, not understanding. “Resurrect her in who?” 

He gives you a look, and you remember the bits and pieces you gathered from Josephine before Bellamy and Clarke dragged you out of Sanctum. Your mom, your real mother, was back in space making the Primes Nightblood. “Abby did it. We can make hosts.”

“Yes, but not how you think.” Your stomach drops as he says that, not sure you want to know what that means. But he doesn’t notice, and he reaches out and wraps his arm around you, leading you towards the lab. “Come on, let’s get you checked out.”

As soon as he starts to lead you away, he asks for a quick rundown of the events prior to this moment. You keep most of the story the same, aware that bits of the truth will make the lies easier to remember. The only thing you change, however, is the fact that you survived the second mind wipe and Josephine didn’t. “Anyway, I killed her in the mindspace. Now here we are.”

As you step into the lab, your eyes fall on a small body strapped to the chair in the center of the room, black blood leading from tubes in their arms and into a small bottle. Your stomach drops even further and you pause a little, before reminding yourself who you are and where you are, leading you to quip, “How about next time, we choose a less crowded host, what do you say?”

As you come around the chair and you finally get a look at who is strapped to it, you have to work hard to keep your expression neutral and impassive, because it’s _Madi_. Your niece, your little sun, is currently being drained for her Nightblood bone marrow, just like the Mountain Men did in Mount Weather. You try to keep your tone light as you ask, “And what is this?”

You turn to look at Russell with a smirk, channeling Josephine’s unhinged ways, and he answers, “This is how we make hosts.”

You don’t get to answer, because Madi starts to stir at the sound of your voice, muttering your name before she asks, “Ani, is that you?”

She sounds so small and hurt and broken and it makes you want to save her and break this whole moon in half. But the rest of your people are out there, and they’re still in trouble, and they’re relying on you to get the shield down. So you continue the facade and answer, “No. It’s not. She put up a good fight, though, kid. Can’t win them all.”

Madi doesn’t react well to that, and she starts screaming, “We’re gonna kill you! We’re gonna kill all of you and everything you love!”

You try to hide the emotion you’re feeling as you turn and grab one of the tranq sticks behind you before walking back over to Madi and sticking it in her arm, knocking her out. And then you turn to Russell, curious about how much life your niece has left. “How many doses can we get out of her before she dies?”

His expression changes, and you’re worried you’ve said the wrong thing, that you sounded too worried when asking. So you backtrack and smile, shaking your head and turning away from her. “You know what? Nevermind. It’s time for my new drive, being mortal sucks.”

Russell smiles at you and sets up a chair, motioning for you to sit in it, face hidden from view, giving him access to your neck. As he works on giving you another drive, he tells you about the chaos in Sanctum that occurred while you were gone, including the chain of events that led to the death of Simone, your fake mom. You hum and respond when appropriate, though you spend the entire time anxiously worrying about Madi and Bellamy and Clarke and the rest of your people. As Russell finishes up the stitches on your neck, Madi wakes up again, the tranq stick not working long enough. And as soon as she catches sight of you, she starts yelling again, tugging against her restraints as she rages, “We should’ve killed you first. Once we’re free, you will burn. You will all burn! You will not get rid of us! We are eternal!”

 _We? Us?_ You keep your mouth shut during Madi’s tirade, terrified that your emotions will make your voice quiver and you’ll give yourself away, but you try to use your silence to process her words, trying to figure out why she’s talking about herself in a plural sense. Russell finally has enough of Madi’s yelling and he yells for the guards to retrieve the doctors, which only further fuels your anxiety. Because if your mother breaks down when she finds out that you’re not you, you’re worried that you’ll break character to comfort her, getting all of you killed.

You don’t have to worry about what you’ll do for long, because the moment quickly comes and the door swings open, your eyes catching sight of three sets of legs. Madi continues to yell and fight until Jackson sedates her, a moment which can’t come soon enough. You’re able to hide your falling tears as your face is hidden, but you know that the moment will soon be up and you’ll have to face everyone in this room and play your part well. Russell dabs at your neck with a rag and then mutters, “There.”

He squeezes your shoulder, letting you know you’re good to get up, and you sit up slowly, your eyes landing on your mother immediately as she stands in front of you, watching you closely. You keep your expression neutral, trying to pretend that you have no emotion or feelings towards her, and she must see that, because she starts to cry. It breaks your heart and you have to look away, distressed at the idea that your mother thinks she’s looking at someone else in your body. Russell distracts you a little by asking, “How do you feel?”

“Peachy keen Josephine.” Your gaze falls back to your mother, who is now crying harder, her face scrunched up and tears rapidly falling down her face. You can’t take the sight of it anymore, so you channel Josephine and snap, “Oh, stop it. I’m not her.”

Her sadness morphs into anger, and she walks towards Russell, stopping when she’s close enough to get in his face. “I will kill you for this.”

“I once believed that I would never stray from the moral path, and then I killed my family in the first eclipse. I’d have done anything to bring them back, so I believe you.”

And then he turns and holds out a hand for you, which you reach out and take. He leads you from the room, past your mother and your niece and your friends, and you manage to call out, “Toodle-loo.” before practically running from the room. Russell leads you past the creepy army of skeletons that watched over you as you were nearly murdered, before taking you out of the reliquary and up the stairs to the palace. You walk into a large dining hall together, Murphy and Emori already sitting at a table inside, as Russell turns to you, his voice low. “You must be starving, let’s get you something to eat. After that, I need you to handle the Naming Day preparations.”

You shake your head, well aware that if you get sucked into party planning, you’ll never be able to get away and get the shield down. But you know you can’t say that, so instead you say, “I’m not hungry and I just got back. Get Priya to do it.”

He looks into your pleading eyes, and you know he’s picturing the first Josephine, the one he killed, the one he raised from birth. And his sentiment is enough for him to swing over to your side. “Fine, I’ll get Priya to do it.” 

“Good. Now, if I spend one more minute like this,” you motion down to your clothes, the ones that you wear daily, but the ones that Josephine seems to despise. “I will spontaneously combust from the shame.”

Russell smiles and nods, “Go get cleaned up, I’ll resurrect your mother.”

From the table nearby, Emori calls out, “Wait, does that mean Echo’s still alive?”

 _Echo. She’s the next host for Simone._ You rack your brain quickly, wondering how you can buy her time before she gets wiped out for good. You decide to continue playing off of Russell’s sentiment, hoping it’s enough to delay Echo’s murder. “Hey, I want to be there when Mom comes back. Wait for me?”

Lucky for you and for Echo, Russell smiles and nods his head again. “Of course, sweetheart. Be quick.”

You nod and turn and walk out, Jade following you as you go. You almost roll your eyes but you refrain, already working on how to get rid of her. As you reach the doors of your room, she takes up her post outside, and you stop and look at her before you step inside. “I’m gonna get cleaned up and take a shower. Don’t wake me for a few hours, I had a long night.”

She nods once, letting you know she understands, and then you turn and head into Josephine’s room, closing the door shut behind you. You head straight for the bathroom and turn on the water in the shower before stepping over to the mirror and looking at your reflection. You don’t have time to actually shower but you look like hell, and there’s no way Josephine would be walking around like this. So you quickly clean your face off and fix your hair, before raiding Josephine’s closet for an outfit that is nicer than your own, but practical enough that you can kick ass in it if you need to. Once you look presentable, you turn off the shower and throw your clothes in the trash, thinking it’s something that dramatic ass Josephine would do. 

You ruffle the sheets to make them look slept in, just in case someone walks into this room, and then you head to the window and swing it open to look outside. There’s nothing beneath your window, but there is a series of balconies that zig zag along the wall, starting to your left. And if you stand on the edge of your window and say enough prayers to the Universe, you think you can reach it if you jump out towards it. Thankfully, Sanctum is on lockdown because of the spreading revolution, so no one sees you leaping and jumping your way from the top of the palace down to the bottom. The whole experience reminds you of escaping the throne room in Polis after Clarke destroyed the City of Light, and the reminder of Bellamy and Clarke is enough to fuel your descent down to the ground. 

The night is fading when you finally reach the ground, the suns starting to rise in the sky, urging you to get a move on as everyone is likely just outside of the shield by now, waiting for you to take it down. You sneak around the palace and to the front, heading straight for the lab again, the guards opening the door to you without a second thought. You keep your expression neutral and your head high, exuding all the power that you can possibly manage as you step into the lab. Your mom, Jackson, and Raven all jump and scramble apart, clearly up to something based on their nervous expressions. 

But you ignore them and jog towards your mom, reaching out and pulling her into your arms, hugging her tight and letting her know you’re okay. She freezes and whispers your name, still skeptical, and you feel tears start to fall down your face as you nod, letting her know that it’s actually you. She wraps her arms around you and hugs you back just as tightly, both of you crying as you hold each other. She cries into your hair, “What happened? I thought I…how?”

You both pull apart and you reach up to swipe away your fallen tears. “It’s a long story, but I’m okay.”

She accepts that’s all you can say for now, before you turn your gaze to Madi, who is still sedated, looking even worse than before. You feel worry etch itself into your features and Raven catches sight of it before she informs you, “It’s the Flame.”

You look up at her in horror. “The Flame that I put in her head?”

“It’s Sheidheda. I’m working the problem, but I need Becca’s book.”

You look down at Madi, and as much as you hate to say it, you know that getting the shield down is the first priority. Because without any Primes in need of Nightblood, she’ll be safe again. You turn to look at Raven again and you mutter, “That can wait because I need you to come with me. We don’t have much time, we have to lower the shield. Bellamy, Clarke, and Octavia are waiting with the Children of Gabriel.” 

“I can’t go with you.” Raven shakes her head, her eyes dropping down to Madi. “If she wakes up again, Sheidheda will kill her.”

You nod, thinking before you counter, “Okay, I’ll use Ryker. The reactor’s beneath the machine shop anyway.”

“No.” You look up at her in surprise, her objection coming out stronger than you were expecting. You must look confused because she clarifies, “Ryker turned Echo in, he won’t help you.”

“He won’t help me, but he’ll help Josephine. She can be very persuasive.” You turn your focus back to your mom, your voice almost pleading. “Until then, promise me you won’t take any more bone marrow.”

Jackson pipes up, “That’s not a problem now. There’s another Nightblood in the family.”

You look at your mom in shock, about to object, but she shakes her head, reaching out to put her hand on your cheek. “I won’t let them take her.”

Jackson recalls the time all of you spent in Becca’s lab, back before Praimfaya, back before body snatching Primes, and he muses, “Like mother, like daughter.”

You ignore him, focusing on your mother still. “I love you.”

She smiles at you, bright and genuine and happy, and you marvel at it, as it’s a smile she gives you so rarely. You tuck it into your memory, wanting to keep it forever as she whispers back, “I love you too, la lune. Now go save us all.” 

You nod and head straight to Ryker’s shop to persuade him to take the shield down for you. Unfortunately, instead of Ryker, you find Ryker’s dead body, his skin cool to the touch, meaning he’s been out for a while. You make a split second decision to take his mind drive so you can use it as leverage against Priya, and no sooner do you get the drive out does Russell open the door to the shop and head your way. He seems oblivious to the drive you have stolen, or the fact that you snuck out hours ago, and you frame Echo as the thief of the drive, vowing to get it back for him. Russell agrees and tells you he’s going to resurrect the others in the meantime, giving you enough time to find Echo and the missing drive so that you can end this once and for all. He also forces you to take a handful of guards with you, and you have to hide your annoyance as they are just one more roadblock in your way.

You search a few places for Priya, relieved when you finally find her inside the tavern, stiff and uncomfortable. You assume your Josephine persona and call out to her, “Priya, there you are. I’ve been looking all over.”

She turns around in shock and gives you a cool smile when she sees you. “Josie. I heard you had quite the adventure.”

“You have no idea, and I’ll tell you all about it, but first I need your help with something in the machine shop.”

She looks at you with concern, “What did Ryker do now?”

“More like what didn’t he do.” You drop your voice lower, so the others in the tavern can’t hear you as well. “Dad asked him to wipe one of the prisoners, but he’s completely lost his nerve. It’s embarrassing.”

“He’s never wanted to face the reality of our situation. Let’s go.”

The two of you turn to leave, heading towards the door with your guards right behind you, but you only make it halfway there before a loud yell comes from behind you. You and Priya jump and turn around in shock, just in time to see Echo vaulting herself off the bar, taking out one of your guards. Gaia and Miller jump over next and take out the other two, and as soon as Priya sees that you are both guardless, she turns to the door in fear, yelling, “Josephine, come on!”

But as she tries to run past you, you reach out and punch her, knocking her out, and her body falls to the floor with a thud. You look up and meet the surprised eyes of your friends, and you smile at them, letting them know it’s you. Echo smiles back and whispers, “I knew it.”

She walks towards you and pulls you in for a hug, and she releases you a moment later, allowing you to hug both Miller and Gaia in greeting. With the mini reunion out of the way, Gaia looks at you with confusion. “How are you here?”

“I’ll explain later, but first we need to lower the shield. Bellamy and Clarke are out there with the cavalry. We can get Priya to help me take down the reactor, and then we go after Madi.”

They nod in agreement, letting you know they’re with you, and you, Echo, Miller, and Gaia all sneak Priya back to Ryker’s shop and anxiously wait for her to wake up. The suns have already set on this impossibly short day, and you continue to grow anxious with each passing second, aware that a whole bunch of people are relying on you to get this damn shield down so Gabriel can deploy the toxin. Though, you start to think that someone somewhere got the plan mixed up, because you hear alarms go off for the toxin, though the shield is still very much up and Priya is still very much unconscious. You smack her face a few times to wake her up, and you threaten to smash Ryker’s drive if she doesn’t agree to cooperate. The threat seems to do the job because she quickly types in the code to take it down before Miller tugs the bag back down on her head after you motion for the group to follow you. 

You all sneak down to the base of the stairs to Sanctum, waiting for Bellamy and Clarke to arrive with the others, and after a few tense minutes of waiting, they come running up the hill towards you. They both hug you desperately, grateful that you’re still alive, and you inform them of the danger you’re all in now that Gabriel has deployed the toxin too early. A crowd has gathered outside the palace, and a collective decision is made to tell the truth using Priya, all of you hoping that will be enough to convince the people of Sanctum that they are living a lie, and that the ensuing chaos will be enough for you to get your people out.

Bellamy agrees to take Priya and the drive and do the talking, since he’s always been the best with speeches, and a few minutes later the tides seem to have turned in your direction. That is, until Russell steps out of the palace and gives a short speech about how disappointed he is, seconds before he deploys a small bomb made of red sun toxin. This toxin quickly spreads through the crowd, turning believers against non believers, and the Children of Gabriel that are all around you pass out the antitoxin so none of you will be affected.

As Bellamy returns and you all try to figure out what to do now, Miller catches sight of Raven, Madi, and Jackson being led into the palace, all three of them restrained. Miller and Clarke seem desperate to reach the people you love, but you know damn well that you have the best chance of getting in there and getting them out alive. And though Clarke and Bellamy again seem reluctant to let you go, they know you have the best chance too. So with another tearful goodbye you head to the palace with Gaia in tow, who is pretending to be one of your guards. As soon as you step inside of the large dining hall where the others are gathered, Gaia melts into the background and you look around the room, taking everything in.

Murphy and Emori are dressed in the nicest clothes you’ve ever seen them in, both of them also wearing makeup, clearly now part of the elite group of Primes. Gabriel is also in the room, surprisingly enough, restrained and being held captive along the edge of the room. The rest of the room is dotted with various other Primes, all recently resurrected. As soon as Russell sees you, he anxiously walks your way. “Thank God. Where have you been?”

“I was looking for Priya, but then I was blocked by a bunch of Gabriel’s lunatic children. She’s dead, by the way. What the hell is going on?”

A surprising voice answers from behind you, “We’re leaving Sanctum until it’s purified.”

You turn around in confusion, coming face to face with your mother, dressed in Sanctum clothes. She crosses the room and closes the space between the two of you, and you tentatively whisper, “Mom?”

You already know in your bones that it isn’t her, but you pray that she answers you in some way, letting you know that she’s still inside her head. You pray that your mother has not just been body snatched by the asshole Primes, but you already know that she has. Gabriel must sense your turmoil because he answers for your mother, “Your mother murdered her mother. Ironic, don’t you think?”

And Gabriel’s confirmation hits you like a train. You want to scream and cry and truly burn this fucking moon to the ground for all they have done to you and your family, but you _can’t_. You have a part to play and you have to play it for your people’s sake. So you turn to Gabriel and mask your sorrow for your mother as sorrow of regret, slapping him across the face as you snap, “Don’t you speak to me. How could I have ever loved such a traitor?”

You feel tears run down your face, only visible to Gabriel, and your mother, your bodysnatched mother, puts a comforting hand on your shoulder, not realizing that your tears are for the body she’s in. “Oh, sweetheart. At least you have closure.”

Russell cuts your mourning short as he anxiously eyes the room. “That’s enough. Now that we’re all accounted for, it’s time to go. Have you all taken the antitoxin?”

Everyone nods, you included, but you also shake your head in confusion. “Go? Where?”

“To space, of course. Sanctum has lost us. For now, anyway.”

One of the Primes argues, “We have no pilot. Priya’s dead. Maybe if you didn’t kill the Lees.”

“That won’t be a problem.” Your mother, Simone, turns and grabs a gun from one of the guards, before spinning and locking her gaze on Raven. “We don’t need the Lees, do we, Raven?”

“Go float yourself, murderer.”

Simone cocks the gun and points it at Madi, and you have to work hard to keep your fear hidden beneath your neutral expression. “How about now?”

Raven looks distressed, tears streaming down her face, her eyes darting over to you. You can’t say or do anything that will give yourself away, but you have to hope she’s as desperate to save Madi as you are. And it seems as though she is, because she turns her gaze back to Simone, nodding her head and softly whispering, “Okay.”

“Good choice.”

Russell accepts the compliance and begins yelling orders, “Guards, take the prisoners. We’re using the tunnel, but be prepared for anything.” Everyone starts to file out of the room behind the guards and the prisoners, leaving you to linger behind. Russell starts to walk past you, but pauses when he reaches Gabriel. “Goodbye, old friend. Sanctum is yours, though I suspect you won’t last very long.”

He stalks out of the room with Simone on his arm, leaving just you, Gaia, Murphy, Emori, and a few guards. You start to slowly follow the others out of the room, and Murphy and Emori pass you as you do, heading in the wrong direction. You stop and turn to ask, “You’re not coming?”

Murphy is upset, and you can see tears in his eyes, with some already fallen down his face. He steps close to you, his voice an angry whisper. “You killed her. All she did was help and you killed her.”

You feel tears rise to your eyes when you realize he’s talking about you. Everyone’s favorite cockroach is expressing regret and sadness for the way things went down with you and your body snatching. You glance at Emori, wondering if she shares the sentiment, and you catch the tears in her eyes before she nods. “We’re staying. We’re gonna save our people.”

You turn to look at Murphy, figuring it’s safe enough to let him know that you’re okay. You smile a little and whisper, “I’m proud of you, Murphy.”

His eyes go wide as he realizes that you called him Murphy and not John, and you see the smallest smile grace his lips before he remembers to hide it. But he lets you know that he understands by leaning close and whispering, “Just so you know, Josephine called me ‘John’.”

You don’t get the chance to say anything else, because Russell calls out from behind you, “Josie, Daniel, Kaylee, is there a problem?”

You quickly wipe away your tears, and put a sneer on your face, turning to face him. “They changed their minds. _Cowards_.”

“The mind drive is a terrible thing to waste.” He shrugs and then turns to look at you again, “Josie, bring your guards and let’s go.”

“Guards, move out.”

As all of you start heading towards the door, Gaia included, Russell catches a glimpse of her and yells out, “Wait, she’s one of them! Throw her to the wolves.”

Four sets of guns turn on her, and Gaia looks at you with fear. You do some quick thinking and shout, “No! I saw her in Clarke’s mind. Threatening the child may work on Raven, but if I’m right, we need her to get on that ship.”

You turn to look at Russell, trying to convince him that you know what you’re talking about, and he finally nods, motioning for the other guards to lower their guns and grab her instead. They comply, and Russell takes one last look around the room before motioning for you to leave ahead of him, as he and the other guards follow closely behind.

You all quickly head to the transport ship and board with your hostages, and Raven flies you up to the Eligius mothership despite her earlier disagreement. You, Russell, and Simone all stand in the airlock with guns to the heads of your hostages, waiting for the doors to slide open so you can begin your negotiations. Some of Wonkru, led by Indra and accompanied by Niylah, all stand at the entrance waiting, guns pointed your way. At first, Indra seems unwilling to let any of you board, but luckily Gaia manages to signal to her mother to stand down, allowing all of you to take control of the ship. All of the people who are awake on the ship are led to the mess hall where they can be easily contained, and as soon as you let Madi and the other prisoners go, Madi yells out for those in the room to attack.

They are quickly shot down, restoring order within seconds, and you cross the room to Madi in a flash, smacking her across the face so hard that you knock her out. You let out a shaky breath, trying to push back your emotions over hitting your niece, though only your people see it because of the way you’re facing. You quickly compose yourself and turn back to your fellow Primes, heading towards the door as you call out, “Let them rot!”

All of the Primes follow you out into the hall, and once there, you start to discuss next steps. One of the male Primes, you don’t know who, turns to Russell as soon as you are outside of the mess hall. “Planet Beta. Russell, we don’t even know if it’s survivable.”

“If it isn’t, we go for Gamma, then Delta, then Epsilon. We won’t even have to land to find out if it’s survivable. Assuming there are no other signal sucking anomalies, we can access the mind drives of the other teams wirelessly from up here.”

Everyone seems placated with this information, everyone that is, except for Simone. She turns to her husband, shaking her head. “Russell, I love you, and I will go with you across the stars and back, but that child is a problem.”

You roll your eyes, hoping you can diffuse the talk of murdering Madi with a Josephine style joke. “Oh, for God’s sake, she has the blood. In fact, dibs on her as my next host.”

Russell adds, “Simone, if we kill their leader, they will never follow us, and we need those people to serve us unless you plan on cleaning latrines.”

She sighs, clearly only on board with the idea of keeping Madi alive, because she doesn’t want to do the jobs that she thinks she is too superior for. The thought makes you sick to your stomach. “Fine, but we’re killing her sleeping army because I promise you they are already talking about how to wake them. We brought enough mind wiping fluid to erase them all in their sleep, where they’ll be perfectly preserved until one of us needs a new host.”

Your mind starts to race, wondering how much longer you can keep up this facade while still also saving the hundreds of Wonkru and Eligius people that are sleeping peacefully on this ship. You miss the agreement of the other Primes, and you’re only pulled out of your head when Russell turns to you expectantly. “Josie, what say you?”

You slap a smile on your face and answer, “Are you kidding? It’s brilliant! A little genocide, a long nap. What the hell? Let’s be explorers.”

Russell sends the other Primes to the bridge of the ship, while you, him, and Simone retrieve the mind wiping fluid from the transport ship and head towards the sleeping army. You offer to carry it for them, and they think nothing of it, passing the liquid to you as they discuss the logistics of how to vent this into the room. The whole way to the cryo chambers all you do is search for an opportunity to run off with this liquid, but you don’t know what you’d do after that or where you’d go. You’re stuck on a ship in the sky with no way to fly back down to Sanctum, all while the rest of your friends are locked up on the other side of the ship. So instead, you go along with the plans and discussions, nodding when appropriate, standing near the back as Simone rigs up the ventilation system to hold the fluid. She works quickly, all while you rack your brain to stop this, but you struggle to think of anything useful. Eventually though, time is up, and Simone reaches out to you. “Hand me the serum.”

You pull it away from her outstretched hand, your brain only able to come up with one distraction technique. You look at Simone with concern, before asking, “Are you feeling okay? You look pale. Have you had any nosebleeds or memory flashes that aren’t familiar?”

“No, what are you talking about?”

You try to sound as casual as you can when you answer, “Oh, it’s something I saw in the mindspace. Her mother had the same neuromesh as she did. I thought they destroyed it with an EMP, but-”

Russell cuts you off, his voice resolute and a smile on his face, as if failed mind wipes are a funny little mistake. “They did, I examined her before resurrection. I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.”

Your blood runs cold, and you realize that this is it. There are no more stops for you to pull, no more tricks. You have to give up your advantage, reveal that you’re not Josephine at all, because that’s the only way to prevent a genocide. So when Simone reaches for the container again, you pull your arm away, backing up and putting distance between you and Josephine’s parents. Russell seems to figure it out first, though Simone is right behind him. His eyes well up with tears as he looks at you with sorrow, and you have another thought that it would be heartbreaking if he wasn’t talking about a murdering body snatcher who tried to kill you multiple times, just so she could keep your body. “No, not Josie!”

You back away from the grieving parents, looking between then, shaking your head. “I can’t let you kill these people. And believe it or not, I am sorry for your loss.”

You give them both one last look before you take off running, trying to put as much distance between you and them as you can. You don’t hear the thundering of footsteps following you, and you start to rack your brain on why they wouldn’t follow you, until you have the horrifying realization that they’re likely grabbing Madi and searching for some way to track your mind drive. Deciding to tackle one problem at a time, you head to one of the hallways that holds an outer door, rigging up a way to get yourself out of this mess. You find a supply closet with a bunch of old and broken items from the ship, including a few discarded safety tethers. You grab them and head back to the lever to the outer door, tying them as tight as you can to a large metal bar on the wall. Then you attach the other side of the tether to your waist, hoping that it’s strong enough to hold you if the Primes call you on your bluff.

Sure enough, a few minutes later the Primes come into the hall, a tracker held in one of their hands, weapons in all the others. As soon as you see them you reach out and put your hand on the lever and yell, “Don’t move! I set the inner door to stay open when I pull this, so you can put the guns down, or you can float.”

The Primes all freeze, looking between each other in shock, wondering what to do, when Simone turns her gun on all the others, “You heard her, weapons down now.”

You look at her with hope, lip quivering as you fight back tears, realizing that maybe your mom is okay after all. “Mom?”

She turns to you with a smile, and it warms your entire body. “Yes, it’s me.”

The other Primes all put their guns down, and once your mother knows that you’re safe, she turns to you with tears in her eyes. “I’ve been pretending too. Now let’s lock them up and go save Madi.”

She turns back to the others, still pointing her gun at them, but something about the situation isn’t sitting right with you. You aren’t sure what, maybe it’s because she didn’t use your nickname or hug you or doesn’t seem as emotional as she usually would be. Maybe it’s the fact that you remember Russell’s words about how he double checked for a neural mesh and found none, meaning there would be nowhere for your mother to go in the mindspace. Regardless of what it is, you call out to your mom’s back, “What’s my father’s name?”

You repeat his name in your head like a mantra, begging her to say it, but your mother only turns around and looks at you with a blank expression. That’s enough for you to know the truth, that your mother truly is dead, and Simone is just trying to play you. You can tell that she knows you aren’t buying it anymore, because she tries to turn her gun on you, but you quickly pull the lever to the outer door, sending all of the other Primes into space. Simone is the exception though, because she manages to reach out for you on her way past, wrapping her arms around your waist and holding onto you tightly as you both move and shift with the rushing air. You look down into your mother’s face, now being worn by someone else, and you swear you can feel your heart rip in half. You killed this woman’s daughter, and you know she’ll never let you live after this.

Which is why you put your hand on your mother’s forehead and push, sending her out into space with the other Primes. You use the tether to make your way back to the lever, pushing it down so you can close the outer doors again. You hit the ground with a thud, a sob tearing through you for the first time, finally able to mourn the loss of your mother. But then you remember that Russell was not with the group, and he likely has Madi, so you push your emotions aside for now, tucking them away. You untie yourself and head straight for the mess hall in search of your niece. You use Shaw’s failsafe code to get into the room, looking around at the group gathered there as they all stare at you in shock. “Where’s Madi?”

Gaia answers, “Russell took her.”

“Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no.” You feel your knees give out beneath you as you realize that this is it for Madi. She is going to be killed for what you’ve done, and there is likely no way for you to stop it. Raven comes over to you, grabbing your arm, trying to comfort you. “We’ll get her back.”

You look up at her with tears in your eyes, “No, you don’t understand. I killed his family, and now he’s gonna kill mine.”

Before she can answer you, the door to the mess hall slides open. You scramble to your feet and watch Madi and Russell walk in, followed by a large group of armed warriors. Indra mutters, “The demon awoke Wonkru.”

Madi yells, “Kneel if you want to live!”

You are the first one to kneel, tears in your eyes, and she looks down at you with disgust. “They said you were strong, but you’re weak. Your love has made you so.”

You feel your tears spill down your face, and you lean over to one of the Wonkru guards nearby, snatching the pistol from his side and holding it to your temple. You look into Madi’s eyes, ignoring the fact that Sheidheda has made them so cold and unfeeling, and you start to beg. “Madi, I know you’re in there. Please come back. I lost my mother today, I nearly lost myself. I don’t know if Clarke and Bellamy are okay, and I can’t lose you too. _Please_.”

She looks at you with a blank stare and the tears fall down your face as you reach for the trigger. “I’m gonna pull the trigger in 3…2…”

You nearly make it to one, stopping as Madi takes in a deep breath, holding up her hand and yelling, “Take the Prime and his men!”

Wonkru immediately responds and lowers their weapons, only turning them on Russell and his other men. Madi runs across the room and straight into your arms, both of you hugging each other tightly as you relish in the fact that you have saved one of your family members today. But just as you’re enjoying your reunion, Madi starts to seize up in your arms, sending you into a panic as Raven yells, “Get her upstairs!”

Jackson and Indra both grab her and quickly carry her upstairs, and you run up after them, despite not knowing what’s going on. They take her into a small medical lab and strap her to a table as Raven lifts an electrical cord and sticks it into the open wound on Madi’s neck, presumably connecting it to the Flame, all the while Madi continues to seize. You call out to her, letting her know you’re here for her, trying to encourage her to fight in the same way that Clarke and Bellamy encouraged you. “Madi, I’m here. Listen to my voice, you can do this! You have to fight, Madi. You have to fight!”

Raven furiously types away at the computer, isolating Sheidheda’s code before yelling, “Got him!”

The code starts to delete from the Flame, uploading onto the other computer in the room. As soon as it’s up and out of Madi’s head, you look down at her expectantly, waiting for her to wake up. But in the same way you didn’t immediately wake up after Gabriel tried to restart your heart, Madi doesn’t move either. You reach out and press your finger to her neck, your stomach dropping when you barely feel a faint flutter beneath her skin. “Her pulse is too weak.”

Raven looks at you, remembering what it was like after you fried the Alie chip in her head. “We have to take it out like you did with me after the EMP.”

Jackson immediately hops into action and grabs a scalpel, increasing the cut on Madi’s neck before reaching for a pair of forceps. He uses them to pull the Flame out of her head, the AI looking terrible and destroyed as it pulls free from her neck. As soon as it’s out, Madi takes a deep breath, Sheidheda finally gone, her mind back to only holding one Commander. You drop down beside her, smoothing her hair back from her face and smiling as you whisper, “Hey little sun, I’m here. You’re gonna be okay.”

She smiles at you slightly, still weak and exhausted, whispering, “Thank you, ani.”

You transfer your gaze to Raven, who is standing close, looking down at Madi with worry, and you reach out to her and grab her hand, squeezing in thanks, well aware that she did all of the work. “Thank you, Raven.”

She squeezes back, her face full of regret when she counters, “I’m sorry about Abby.”

You nod, still not ready to process the loss of your mother. And with your niece saved and your people saved, you want nothing more than to get back down to Sanctum to make sure that Bellamy and Clarke are safe. Raven agrees to get you ready to fly within minutes, and you assemble a small team to head back down to Sanctum, while everyone else waits it out for a while, allowing you to make sure it’s safe for them to follow.

You’re relieved when the transport ship finally lands back inside Sanctum, ready to reunite with Bellamy and your twin again. You and Madi walk hand in hand back to the village, both of you leading the group of your people as you return. Everyone starts to break away from the group and hug their friends and family as they see them, and you’re almost caught off guard by both Bellamy and Clarke running your way. Clarke runs straight for Madi and lifts her in her arms, holding her tight, while Bellamy scoops you up in a hug and twirls you, both of you laughing with happiness. He puts you down so he can kiss you, and when he pulls away, he pulls away just enough to whisper against your lips, “I had a whole speech planned, but I can’t wait any longer. Will you marry me?”

Your smile grows wider, loving this proposal just as much as the first one, as this one comes off the heels of your nearest death experience to date, and you whisper back, “Yes, of course I will.”

Bellamy smiles and kisses you again, before sliding the ring on your finger, looking the happiest he has in a while. Clarke lets out a little happy cheer, and you roll your eyes at your twin before pulling her in for a hug, just as happy to see that she’s okay, and she hugs you back, celebrating the fact that despite all the odds, you survived. As the two of you pull apart and look Bellamy’s way, he starts to tell you all about the journey that Gabriel has planned and how all of you should go with him. Your mind flashes to your mother and how she’s now dead and gone, floated just like your father, and you desperately want to escape the memory of what you’ve done. Which is why you agree to the journey with Bellamy and the others, hoping it’s enough to take your mind off of things. Your mother’s death is exactly why Clarke agrees to stay, hoping that she can clean up the mess in Sanctum and make her proud. So though it pains you both to separate again so soon after reuniting, you do, both of you needing to process her death in your own ways.

-

You, Bellamy, Octavia, Gabriel, and Echo all head back to Gabriel’s camp together, exchanging stories of what all of you have missed. Before you know it, you make it back to Gabriel’s camp, and he leads you all inside of the tent, motioning for you to gather around as he pulls the rubber panels that make up the floor away, tossing them to the side, revealing an old hatch. “I have to tell you I’m very excited about this. I’ve been studying those symbols since we found the stone, we built the camp here because of it.”

He lifts the hatch, revealing a short ladder into the ground, and he climbs down inside. All of you file down the ladder after him, standing at the base of it, staring at the object hidden from the world beneath this camp. It’s a large ball, made of metal, designed in the same swirl on Octavia’s back. The entire thing is covered in different symbols, and somehow, the ball is floating, supported by nothing. All four of you stare it in shock, not believing what you’re seeing, and Gabriel just smiles at you, glad you’re just as enamored as he is.

Gabriel walks towards the stone, Octavia right behind him, as he says, “It’s thousands of years old. We have no idea who made it or what generates the magnetic field that holds it up, but we’re pretty sure it’s what sucks in all the radio signals.”

Some of the symbols on her back are red, it’s a code.”

“Very good. We’re about to find out what it’s for.” Gabriel holds his hand out to Octavia, “May I see the drawing, please?”

She pulls the drawing of the tattoo from her pocket, passing it to him, and he unfolds it, searching the stone for each of the red symbols, and then touching them with two fingers, the symbol humming beneath his touch. As he works, Bellamy asks, “What happens if you’re right?”

“I filled 100 notebooks with possible answers to that question.” He comes to a stop in front of the last signal, now standing beside Octavia. He turns to her, a small smile on his face. “The last symbol in the series is called an octonion. Advanced mathematics way above my head, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence you share a name. Please, it should be you.”

He gestures to the symbol, and she hesitates for a second before touching it, the symbol humming beneath Octavia’s touch. With the last symbol entered, you all stand waiting, staring at the stone in search of what’s going to happen next. Except, nothing happens, the moment stretching on for too long, and Gabriel’s face falls as he looks down at the sketched out tattoo again. “No, no, no, no, no. It can’t be right, we must have got something wrong.”

As he turns to look at Octavia, a low rumble starts to shake the ground above, a sound not unnoticed by your fiance. He holds up his hand to Gabriel, gesturing for him to stop talking. “Quiet.”

All of you stand perfectly still, the rumbling growing increasingly louder, a strange green glow coming from the ground above the hatch. Gabriel looks up with a smile, the paper in his hand slipping from his grip, floating to the ground. “Oh, my God. I knew it.”

He bolts past all of you and heads up the ladder incredibly fast, and all of you scurry after him, trying to keep up. When you get into the tent, it’s flapping and shaking like you’re in the middle of a windstorm, and a bright green light surrounds everything, casting an eerie glow. The sound is almost deafening, and you yell to be heard above it, “What the hell is this?”

Octavia just ominously whispers, “She’s here.”

You look at her, taking note of the shocked expression on her face, very different from the confused expression on your own. She starts to walk forward slowly, and you hear a high pitched whine from the mouth of the tent, seconds before a figure starts to step inside. It’s a girl, not much older than you are, her hair done up in two buns. She has symbols like the ones tattooed on Octavia back, except hers are on her face, etched across her cheeks and forehead. Octavia laughs when she sees the girl, a sound of happy shock, and she says, “Hope.”

You all look at Octavia, wondering what the hell is going on, and the girl, Hope, answers, “I couldn’t get out of it, he has my mother. I’m so sorry, Octavia.”

They embrace, pulling each other into a hug, one that seems stiff and awkward, and Bellamy watches on, his anxiety growing. He yells, “Octavia, what’s happening?”

Octavia leans up and whispers something in the girl’s ear, the words lost to all of you over the roar of whatever is happening around you, and as soon as she finishes talking, they pull apart. Hope steps backwards, a knife in her hand, the tip coated in blood, and Echo yells, “Knife!”

The pieces fall together, and you and Bellamy look at O, who starts to fall backwards, clutching her side. Bellamy catches her, his voice worried as he mutters, “O.”

Echo runs over to Hope and restrains her, along with Gabriel, as Bellamy holds his sister in his arms, you right at their side. You reach out to Octavia, pulling her layers aside to get a look at the wound, and as you do, you hear another high pitch whine, seconds before a bright green cloud slides into the tent, washing over Octavia and then pulling away. As the green glow subsides, you and Bellamy stare at his now empty arms, his sister carried off by the bright beam of light. You look up at each other, sharing a look of disbelief, trying to confirm that you both saw the impossible. He looks back down at his shaking hands, her blood covering one of them, evidence that Octavia _was_ here, and then he turns and heads for the exit of the tent looking for her. You follow him outside, Hope collapsing as you walk past, but you ignore her, following your fiance out into the woods, the bright green light subsiding, returning back to where it came from. 

The woods outside are empty, devoid of any sign of Octavia, no blood, no clothing, no nothing left behind as proof that she was out here. Bellamy spins in place, tears falling down his cheeks, his voice breaking with worried desperation as he yells, “Octavia! Octavia! Octavia!”

And there’s nothing for you to do but watch as the love of your life falls apart, his sister now gone. The mystery of Sanctum grew and then subsided, taking Octavia Blake with it.

-


End file.
